The Worker-Dandyist International

Penderyn Madeira Finished Whisky

2012-02-29T17:08:00.003Z

There is very little that a chap of my damaged palate can say about this whisky from the land of my fathers (from Cymru's only whisky distillery) except; drink it. It's blood marvelous. I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that, given a blind tasting, I'm not even sure I'd know it was a whisky. I'm normally a peat 'n' smoke man when it comes to single malts so this was a bit of an experiment but one which, 38 quid later, I'm glad I indulged in.

Here's the official blurb:

This single malt Welsh whisky defines our ‘house style of whiskies’ being distilled in our unique copper pot still, matured in bourbon barrels, finished in rich Madeira wine casks and bottled at premium strength. This single malt whisky is smooth, light in character and softly golden in colour.

At premium strength (46% vol) Penderyn single malt whisky has an exceptionally balanced taste with an aroma of cream toffee and fleetingly of fresh new leather. Then, as the initial sensations fade, the finishing notes of tropical fruits, raisins and vanilla emerge strongly and are long lasting.

They also distil other whiskies and even gin and vodka. Have a peek at their website which includes some helpful little videos explaining the tastes: Penderyn Distillery

Pigs

2012-02-12T19:16:00.003Z

Read the whole story and see the rest of the horrific videos at http://www.animalequality.net/undercover-investigation-exposes-harlingfarm.
Bizarrely, Stephen Brown- who was in charge of the running of the farm before he commited suicide- claimed some scenes were 'dramatised'.

AJ Edwards & Son
Harling Farm,
Eccles Rd,
East Harling,
Norwich ,
NR16 2JE

Tel: 01953 717231
Fax: (01953) 717545

The Savoy Ball

2012-02-11T19:41:00.001Z

There appears to be no electronic flyer so I shall provide you with a link to the 2012 Savoy Ball to be held at Battersea Arts Centre on 17th March.

One hopes that the plastic trilby and tiara brigade will be firmly told to fuck right off at the door.

See you there.

Get a Hat

2012-01-23T12:52:00.004Z

'The most current hairstyle to mask baldness'-

from Coiffure Masculine by Joseph Anzalric.

Whilst perusing an old barbers' book for interesting images I happened upon this shocking illustration. I had never previously imagined that instructions for a combover had ever been commited to print. Of course, this ludicrous hairstyle is all the rage with lion-haired teenage girls who have inexplicably decided that a parting should now appear just above the ear but there can be no excuse for a gentleman to sport such a bonkers barnet. It is surely the haircut of a pederast.
I can imagine fewer things more damaging to a chap's self esteem than having vacant cranial follicles but fakery has always been, and always will be, the preserve of those for whom style is anathema. No combovers, no tangerine glow, no buttocular implants I say.

I cannot say what will suit others but if I was stricken with an egg-like dome I should either carry on regardless with my existing plumage, albeit with a large shiny gap; do the most popular thing of this age and embrace total baldness with the aid of daily razoring; or, if unable to face the public with a glistening bonce, enlarge my hat collection.

Celebrities and Science

2012-01-01T12:10:00.000Z

Aside from poor dress, one thing that seems to unite today's so-called celebrities is ignorance.

Sense About Science has compiled the 2011 list of Celebrities and Science to catalogue and refute the ludicrous claims made by famous dimwits.

The buffoonery can be downloaded HERE.

Twitter? No Thanks.

2011-12-30T13:21:00.003Z

After a brief foray into the world of Twitter I have concluded it is not for me.
There is absolutely nothing that Twitter can do for me that an RSS feed cannot. Moreover, after reaching a plateau of around 90 'followers', it seems there is nothing I can do for Twitter. People attempting, in 140 characters or less, to convey to others how fascinatingly marvelous, clever, contrary or thoroughly above it all they are are, to me, very dull indeed. It hardly needs saying that I am thoroughly above it all but I am allowed to be because I am very special.

Twitter as a means to foment social revolution? A charming but quite ridiculous idea. According to the majority of embarrassingly liberal, and unashamedly non-working class, trendy-lefty Twitteristas, we're on the cusp of revolution. Yes, middle class students, trustafarians and other pretend proles sitting in shitty tents, playing bongos and weaving penitential underwear from rats' hair are about to destroy capitalism in a bloodless uprising. If it wasn't for Twitter I would have been happily unaware of these delusional loons. That isn't to say there aren't good people with good intentions indulging in urban camping, it's just that they hold no interest for me.

In the aftermath of the Summer 'riots' (though I've never seen shoplifters and saggy-arsed little boys running away from coppers called 'rioters' before) the spectacle of many Twitter based trots and anarcho types praising opportunist muggers, lumpen arsonists torching their neighbours' homes and looters thirsty for poorly constructed footwear as being on the frontline of an unprecedented social upheaval was sickening. These dolts certainly don't speak for me or my class. Again, if it wasn't for the armchair revolutionaries of Twitter I would never have been exposed to such idiocy.

Twitter can never be a 'social network' if everyone, including me, is too busy trying so very hard to cram some Wildean wit into their tiny communiques. Most, including me, fail. It sometimes feels more like an international smart-ase contest than a platform for communication.

Then we have the spammers, the bots and the I'll-follow-you-so-you-notice-me types. All very pointless and annoying.

Of course, if I was prudent with the 'follow' button I could have avoided reading the ill-informed Tweets of cranks and buffoons but, on Twitter, you're only one reweet away from crazyville.

The Lumpen Rebellion

2011-09-02T17:50:00.006+01:00

The following is an analysis of the wave of rioting that affected English cities at the beginning of August. The piece, refreshing in its candour, is lifted in its entirety from the Independent Working Class Association's national website.
I re-post it as an antidote to the various delusional, naive, fantastical, pro-lumpen (and, arguably, anti-working class), pretentious twaddle inflicted upon us by most of the left. I was going to include examples and links to the worst offenders but I feel that our continued disinterest is the best policy.

______

What lies behind the riots seen on English streets three weeks ago?

In January ‘09, an IWCA analysis piece entitled ‘Dealing with the renegades’ stated: ‘Amidst all the concern about knife crime and gang culture, it is often tacitly assumed that the perpetrators are representative of alienated working class youth. Not so: what they are more generally representative of is a new -and growing- social formation that has willingly embraced a non-work ethic. It needs to be recognised that these lumpen elements represent a grouping that is quite separate from, and actively hostile to, the interests and well-being of the working class proper.’
It was a piece which provoked controversy, including within the IWCA itself. After all, right-wing commentators delight in denigrating the ‘underclass’: were we not now joining in? Whenever the right, or the liberal left, discuss this matter, there is an underlying assumption that ‘underclass’ and ‘working class’ are two interchangeable terms: the two groupings are one and the same, to be regarded with either pity or loathing depending on one’s orientation. By contrast, the IWCA analysis made clear that not only is the ‘underclass’ not synonymous with or representative of the working class, its instincts and actions are often opposed to the working class (who tend to constitute its primary prey). The term ‘lumpen proletariat’ is not a right-wing canard, but was coined by Karl Marx, who described this grouping as ‘the “dangerous class”’ whose ‘members felt the need of benefiting themselves at the expense of the labouring nation’. Our analysis explicitly distinguished between the working class and what we described as ‘a renegade section of the working class that has learned to embrace the ‘no-work ethic’’.
The riots and looting of three weeks ago mark the emergence of that renegade section onto the national stage. It became newsworthy because its actions have, for the first time, impacted on the middle class, particularly for those who choose to live in areas they like to describe as ‘edgy’. Previously reassured by the deference of Big Issue sellers and the unfailing good manners of street drinkers, the stepping up onto the stage of the militant wing will have caused profound shock.

Ganging up
The riots have been reported as though they were, in the first instance, a spontaneous reaction by the community to the killing of Mark Duggan by the Met. The background is in fact more complicated, and the initial rioting was much less impulsive and more organised than has generally been presented. Understanding this is key to understanding the riots, and the motives, reasoning and disposition of those involved.
A few days prior to the killing (execution?) of Duggan, police raided 25-30 homes on the Pembury estate in Hackney. A whole layer of drug-dealing middle-management were lifted and remanded in custody. This was the result of an eighteen-month ‘Wire’-style operation, so inevitably the remands were all custodial. One of the critical details largely missed by the media is that many of the gangs, who generally spend their leisure time gouging, stabbing and shooting each other, came under one flag for the jaunt. According to Daniel Weston, a youth worker in Brixton, Peckham, Clapham, Tulse Hill and Brixton ”came together and forgot their rivalries.” The Pembury, London Fields and Frampton Park similarly formed a united front in Hackney. The latter was very much an ‘old school riot’, in that they were ‘defending’ ‘their’ estate, as they saw it, from further police encroachment. As was Tottenham old-school, to a large degree led by rioters first, and looters second. Almost all the others inverted that order. Large gangs two hundred-plus strong were moving -or were being directed- from Croydon to Lewisham to Camden and wherever else took their fancy. The police were not the target, but were instead a force to be circumvented.
It was well known on the Pembury that there would be a return of serve after the arrests (shots from pellet guns were fired at caretakers the same day). The scale of the backlash may have been a result of gang leaders in Tottenham and Hackney deciding that the shooting of Duggan (who was a major player, and perhaps tellingly also something of an elusive pimpernel) and mass arrests were all part of the same dance. Prior to the riots the Met were moving against gangs across five London boroughs simultaneously. Though for operational reasons the boroughs have not been identified, it’s safe to assume that Haringey and Hackney are amongst them. So the united front may have come about in response to an escalation made against them by a common enemy, and would have been put together prior to riots in order to maximise impact and drive the message home to both police and politicians that ’leaving sleeping dogs lie’ is generally a wise adage.
Peter Fahy, Chief Constable of Greater Manchester confirmed that rioters in Salford were specifically looking to “get back at police” after a clampdown on them in that area. In Newtown in Birmingham, police claim that they were shot eleven times, from four different guns. While in London, police estimate that of the 1500 arrested in the first week or so, ‘one in four’ were either gang members or ‘affiliates’. In 2007 there were an estimated 170 streets gangs in London, according to Scotland Yard’s Barry Norman. But on Question Time, Tory MP David Davis flagged up a figure of 240 (some of them up to a hundred strong).

The crack battalions of the lumpen class
Perhaps the most important characteristic of the recent riots has been the self-evident differences between these and those of the 1980s, something which is deeply illustrative. In 1985 after Cherry Groce was shot by the Met, ‘Paul’ -a long-term member of south London Anti-Fascist Action- estimates that the make-up of the subsequent Brixton riot “was approximately 90 per cent fighters to just 10 per cent looters.” Ten years later in 1995, in the disturbances after Wayne Douglas was killed, “it was more like 60-40.” Come 2001, after Andrew Kernan was shot down, “looting was the primary motivation, with the fighters already reduced to a tiny minority.” So if we follow the trend, of the 30,000 estimated by police to have played some part in the riots nationally, the politically progressive will at best, have made up no more than the smallest of fractions.
Furthermore, from studying the extensive television footage it is also clear that it was only the organised elements in the gangs who had the necessary authority and swagger to give the impetus to the riots. It was they who picked the shops, put in the windows, and where there was serious money to be made (other than where the vandalism and fire-setting was intended as a diversion) had pre-arranged for vans and cars to be available to make off with the loot. The looters summoned by social media to provide cover were generally patsies, who only followed on in the aftermath, while the former functioned as the crack battalions not just in the riots themselves, but of the lumpen class as a whole. So in that sense the riots were indeed politically motivated, but just not in the way the liberal left would be willing or capable of understanding.
Laughably, in a discussion with Michael Gove on Newsnight Harriet Harman had suggested that at least in part the rioters were incensed by the “tripling of tuition fees”. Cameron has promised to ‘declare war’ on the gangs, but after this show of force and with the Olympics just around the corner, discretion will likely trump valour. On discussion sites in the immediate aftermath, the prescience of the original IWCA article was rewarded with a collective flinch. Refreshingly, Rob Berkeley, a director of Runnymede Trust, a race equality think tank, was honest enough to admit that it is indeed “new phenomenon about which we know very little.”

Neo-liberal riots
If this is a ‘new phenomeneon’, where does it come from? That can be answered relatively easily. A pre-condition has been the ending of the full employment of the post-war boom era, with insecure employment and large-scale unemployment becoming the norm over the past thirty years (it is unlikely that unemployment has ever truly fallen below the three million mark of the Thatcher years), and the concomitant destruction of the working class movement that has accompanied it. This has brought about demoralisation, degradation and dependency where once there was pride, strength and independence. In many places it has created a generational culture of worklessness from which it is almost impossible for youngsters, often semi-literate and semi-numerate, to escape. Such a state of affairs would be bad enough in itself, but when the old values of solidarity, community and hard work are not just lost but increasingly replaced by neo-liberal morality –greed, avarice, pathological self regard- it leads to the creation of the sub-set that made their presence felt three weeks ago. Those who attempt to paint these riots ‘red’ –as some kind of political response to the cuts, or youth poverty and hopelessness- misunderstand both their character and how defeated and broken the last thirty years has left our side. These were neo-liberal riots in every sense.
Two years ago the journalist Peter Wilby wrote of the Thatcher revolution:
‘Once, western governments tried to subjugate the working class. The governments of the postwar era, by contrast, tried to pacify it. High wages, good working conditions, decent housing, stable employment, predictable pensions and, crucially, the power of a large state sector to head off deep recession through fiscal intervention delivered the workers’ consent to, even enthusiasm for, a capitalist economy. It also ensured the stable domestic markets that provided the basis for unprecedented economic growth. Thatcher offered what you might call a “third way”. The working class was not to be enslaved or tamed, but abolished. Everyone would become, in their private if not in their working life, a member of the bourgeoisie, owning a house, acquiring debt to improve themselves, trading in shares and bonds. With such financial commitments, they would be reluctant to sacrifice regular income by going on strike. Better still, they would vote Conservative, or at least for an alternative party that accepted, as new Labour did, the broad principles of Thatcherism. The spectre of communism or socialism would be exorcised.’ (New Statesman)
In short, the aim of neo-liberalism was to ensure everyone became a mini-capitalist: we were ‘all middle class now’ as John Prescott told us. Eliminating the working class as a political entity would, in turn, eliminate the threat of socialism. There would be no ‘working class’ any longer: there would be those who had managed to get on board and literally buy into the system (supposedly ranging from anyone with a mortgage up to Roman Abramovich, all forming part of the same strata), and those unfortunates who had not. The latter phenomenon forms the counterpoint of Wilby’s thesis: the working class wasn’t just to go through embourgeoisment at one end, but also lumpenisation at the other, and in all cases were to internalise the same neo-liberal values. While one may feel greater sympathy with the latter grouping (the former are soon to receive a particularly rude shock, as the economic crisis inexorably works itself out), from a tactical point of view once the neo-liberal mindset has been accepted the individual has to be viewed as being in the enemy camp. It was this layer who came to the fore in the riots.

Why not Oxford?
The Labour party has traditionally been happy to foster working class dependence, rather than independence. The Joan of Arc of British socialism, Beatrice Webb, came out against the 1926 General Strike, describing it as “a monstrous irrelevance in the sphere of social reform” and the notion of workers’ control of industry as “an absurd doctrine… a proletarian distemper which had to run its course – and like other distempers, it is well to have it over and done with at the cost of a lengthy convalescence”. It’s an attitude which Labour has never lost towards its constituency: something to be controlled, not controlled by. Gordon Brown’s ‘socialism’ was to remove all restraints on the City of London and use the tax receipts to buy what was left of Labour’s core vote. The notion of any kind of return to full, productive employment was never part of the game.
Labour’s stance towards the worst elements in its domain has usually been to either ignore them, excuse them or co-opt them. One place which saw no trouble in the riots was Oxford. One would think that somewhere like Blackbird Leys –one of the largest housing estates in Europe, and which saw rioting in 1991- would have been a prime candidate for copycat violence, but it never happened. It did happen in Gloucester fifty miles to the west, but not Oxford. Why was this? There may be many reasons, but one thing which is certain is that on Blackbird Leys the worst elements have, over a number of years, been identified and confronted instead of being appeased or pandered to, and this has been solely down to the efforts of Oxford IWCA. In the words of IWCA councillor Stuart Craft:
“Back in 2004 on Blackbird Leys, we proved that working class activists can also set the agenda. By exposing and challenging the authorities policy of containment of crack and heroin dealing – in particular the exploits of a recently arrived yardie gang implicated in at least two murders and two gang rapes on our estate - and by putting into place (or often merely threatening to) our own popular strategies to deal with these problems, we too had the political establishment, police and housing authorities desperate to be seen to address a problem that they had hitherto been happy to pretend didn’t exist. The pressure we brought to bear had a significant impact so that many of the worst elements fled the estate. It seems inconceivable that without the efforts of IWCA activists and residents that the ‘top shops’ area (which sits opposite the yardies’ old base, the Blackbird Leys Community Centre) would not have suffered the same fate as other such areas across the country.” (See ’IWCA calls for clean sweep at community centre bar‘ and ’Management to vacate community centre bar‘ on the Blackbird Leys IWCA website for further background.)
It speaks volumes about the character and nature of these riots that the rioters folded and melted away almost everywhere they encountered any kind of resistance. It is equally significant that these same elements were stopped from reaching critical mass through the promotion of working class first policies on Blackbird Leys. If the first rule of war is to know your enemy, identifying an opponent (the purpose of these articles) is arguably the first rule of politics.

Knitted Ties

2011-07-25T12:09:00.003+01:00

The knitted tie, most often with horizontal stripes, has been making a quiet comeback for some time now. Maybe comeback is too optimistic a term. What I really mean is I saw one in Reiss two years ago and a small selection in Liberty last year (a lovely building housing an emporium of staggeringly awful 'fashion'. Some nice socks though).
A chap can just about get away with wearing a knitted tie with a suit from any era post 1910s. Pedants and purists may disagree but nevermind; pedants and purists live to be contrarian.

D'arcy (formerly known as The Vintage Shirt Company) have been selling a monochrome selection for while but I notice they now stock some fantastically lurid colours for the less conservative amongst you and, let's be honest, there won't be many conservatives reading this blog.

I'm a Twit

2011-07-23T11:04:00.002+01:00

I have come to realise that I can't continually dismiss the phenomenon that is Twitter without at least trying it out for a while. Therefore I have registered, piddled about trying to make an avatar that resizes properly, found a few interesting people and contemplated, without success, what my very first Tweet should be. This is obviously a monumental moment that I wouldn't wish to belittle with 140 characters of banality. Maybe I'll never find the words to convey the gravitas of the situation or maybe I'll simply post a rather tasty cocktail recipe.

Anyway, 'follow' us (a dreadful word, I know) if you fancy. Follow @WorkerDandyist

Katyushas it is, then!

2011-07-22T13:05:00.001+01:00

The following is an article from Electronic Intifada on the latest draconian measures perpetrated by Israel on the people of Palestine:

It was a Palestinian legislator who made the most telling comment to the Israeli parliament last week as it passed the boycott law, which outlaws calls to boycott Israel or its settlements in the occupied territories. Ahmed Tibi asked: “What is a peace activist or Palestinian allowed to do to oppose the occupation? Is there anything you agree to?”
The boycott law is the latest in a series of ever-more draconian laws being introduced by the far right. The legislation’s goal is to intimidate those Israeli citizens, Jews and Palestinians, who have yet to bow down before the majority-rule mob.
Look out in the coming days and weeks for a bill to block the work of Israeli human rights organizations trying to protect Palestinians in the occupied West Bank from abuses by the Israeli army and settlers; and a draft law investing a parliamentary committee, headed by the far right, with the power to veto appointments to the high court. The court is the only, and already enfeebled, bulwark against the right’s absolute ascendancy.

Watershed law
The boycott law, backed by Benjamin Netanyahu’s government, marks a watershed in this legislative assault in two respects.
First, it knocks out the keystone of any democratic system: the right to free speech. The new law makes it illegal for Israelis and Palestinians to advocate a nonviolent political program — boycott — to counter the ever-growing power of the half a million Jewish settlers living on stolen Palestinian land.
As the Israeli commentator Gideon Levy observed, the floodgates are now open: “Tomorrow it will be forbidden to call for an end to the occupation [or for] brotherhood between Jews and Arabs.”
Equally of concern is that the law creates a new type of civil, rather than criminal, offense. The state will not be initiating prosecutions. Instead, the job of enforcing the boycott law is being outsourced to the settlers and their lawyers. Anyone backing a boycott can be sued for compensation by the settlers themselves, who — again uniquely — need not prove they suffered actual harm.
Under this law, opponents of the occupation will not even be dignified with jail sentences and the chance to become prisoners of conscience. Rather, they will be quietly bankrupted in private actions, their assets seized either to cover legal costs or as punitive damages.
Human rights lawyers point out that there is no law like this anywhere in the democratic world. Even Eyal Yinon, the naturally conservative legal adviser to the parliament, assessed the law’s aim as stopping a “discussion that has been at the heart of political debate in Israel for more than forty years.” But more than half of Israelis back it, with only 31 percent opposed.

A delusional, self-pitying worldview
The delusional, self-pitying worldview that spawned the boycott law was neatly illustrated this month in a short video “ad” that is supported, and possibly financed, by Israel’s hasbara, or propaganda, ministry. Fittingly, it is set in a psychotherapist’s office.
A young, traumatized woman deciphers the images concealed in the famous Rorschach test. As she is shown the ink blots, her panic and anger grow. Gradually, we come to realize, she represents vulnerable modern Israel, abandoned by friends and still in profound shock at the attack on her navy’s commandos by the “terrorist” passengers aboard last year’s aid flotilla to Gaza.
Immune to reality — that the ships were trying to break Israel’s punitive siege of Gaza, that the commandos illegally boarded the ships in international waters, and that they shot dead nine activists execution-style — Miss Israel tearfully recounts that the world is “forever trying to torment and harm [us] for no reason.” Finally she storms out, saying: “What do you want — for [Israel] to disappear off the map?”
The video — released under the banner “Stop the provocation against Israel” — was part of a campaign to discredit the recent follow-up flotilla from Greece. The solidarity mission was abandoned after Greek authorities, under Israeli pressure, refused to let the convoy sail for Gaza.
Israel’s siege mentality asserted itself again days later as international activists staged another show of solidarity — the “Welcome to Palestine” campaign. Hundreds tried to fly to Israel on the same day, declaring their intention to travel to the occupied West Bank. The goal was to highlight that Israel both controls and severely restricts access to the occupied territories and to Palestinians.
Proving precisely the protesters’ point, Israel threatened airlines with retaliation if they carried the activists and it massed hundreds of soldiers at Ben Gurion airport to greet arrivals. Some 150 peaceful protesters who reached Israel were arrested moments after landing.
Echoing the deranged sentiments of the woman in the video, Israel’s prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, denounced the various solidarity direct actions as “denying Israel’s right to exist” and a threat to its security.

Rebellion against ghettoization of Palestine
In reality, however, the surge in flotilla activity reflects not an attack on Israel but a growing appreciation by international groups that Israel is successfully sealing off from the world the small areas of the occupied territories left to Palestinians. The flotillas are a rebellion against the Palestinians’ rapid ghettoization.
Although Netanyahu’s comments sound delusional, there may be a method to the madness of measures like the boycott law and the hysterical overreaction to the flotillas.
These initiatives, as Tibi points out, leave no room for nonviolent opposition to the occupation. Arundhati Roy, the award-winning Indian writer, has noted that nonviolence is essentially “a piece of theatre. [It] needs an audience. What can you do when you have no audience?”
Netanyahu and the Israeli right understand this point. They are carefully dismantling every platform on which dissident Israelis, Palestinians and international activists hope to stage their protests. They are making it impossible to organize joint peaceful and nonviolent resistance, whether in the form of boycotts or solidarity visits. The only way being left open is violence.
Is this what the Israeli right wants, believing both that it will confirm to Israelis’ their paranoid fantasies as well as offering a justification to the world for entrenching the occupation?
Netanyahu appears to believe that, by generating the very terror he claims to be trying to defeat, he can safeguard the legitimacy of the Jewish state — and destroy any hope of a Palestinian state being created.

Jonathan Cook won this year’s Martha Gellhorn Special Prize for Journalism. His latest books are Israel and the Clash of Civilisations: Iraq, Iran and the Plan to Remake the Middle East (Pluto Press) and Disappearing Palestine: Israel’s Experiments in Human Despair (Zed Books). His website is www.jkcook.net.
A version of this article originally appeared in The National (www.thenational.ae), published in Abu Dhabi.

Cocktails in Care Homes

2011-07-19T17:10:00.003+01:00

And why not? I hope some nice young ladies and gents bring me free booze and snacks when I'm stultifying in some care home wondering what happened to my pension.

Go on. Give 'em a tenner.

Cocktails in Care Homes

Bottle or Jug Sling Tutorial

2011-07-02T19:25:00.013+01:00

Knots; those handy little things that keep your shoes from falling off. But what else do we use knots for in these artless, post-craft times? Not much, I'd wager. Some will occasionally struggle with the intricacies of a bow tie, assuming they can be bothered to buy a real one, without ever realising that the bow knot is tied using exactly the same method on both bow tie and shoelace- unless you happen to use a non-standard shoelace knot. Others will carelessly construct a four-in-hand knot when putting on a tie but may be ignorant of the other knot choices available for use with neckwear. An overhand knot, worked so that the standing part is at the rear and the working part at the front (or vice versa), was how most chaps used to tie a scarf. Now it has become the fashion, amongst the sort of people who bother themselves with fashion, to use a horribly asymmetrical cow hitch. For those interested in neckwear knots and knot theory, it really doesn't get any better or comprehensive than Thomas Fink and Yong Mao's 85 Ways to Tie a Tie.

I have become oddly fascinated with knots lately and have concluded that a resurgence is on the cards, especially among worker-dandies who like to to learn old skills. There are many, who are masterly in the dark art of rope bondage, for whom a granny knot is simply not good enough. Such adventurous sorts already appreciate the value of knotty knowhow. Aside from the experts and dedicated hobbyists, your average man on the street wouldn't know a monkey's fist it it punched him in the face

So, I present the first of an occasional series of knot tutorials, with photos and instructions by yours truly, that may be of use to anyone with an interest in this sort of thing.

The Bottle Sling, Jug Sling or Jar Sling

For those of you who reside in countries where the carrying of alcohol in public isn't a hanging offence (more on nooses later) the bottle sling is a rather stylish and eco-friendly way to convey your booze around town.
It can also be used by children (and ever-young adults) to carry jars of freshly caught minnows, sticklebacks and bullheads for later inspection, education and eventual release.
On a more revolutionary note, I imagine it would be rather useful when lobbing freshly mixed molotovs at any oppressive forces of darkness. The slings would have to be tied beforehand, with extra long loops, using a cord of a natural fibre that wouldn't melt before the thing had been slung, of course, but the added distance achieved would be well worth the initial effort of learning and tying this knot.
Don't worry if you don't get it at first. It took me a little while. It helps if you don't think too much and instead blindly follow the instructions. If you still fail, have a little search for bottle or jug slings online and look at it from a different angle. Having said that, the ones I saw on the hinterwebs were needlessly confusing which is why I created this one. The best one, I think you'll find.
Note: This sling is only effective on bottles with some manner of lip or wider part at the top of the neck, otherwise it has nothing but friction to keep it in place and will likely fall off.

1. Start with a cord roughly 3 feet long and 5 or 6mm in diameter and find the centre as in fig. 1. Then bring the centre down over the left and right strands to end up with fig. 2.

2. Move the right strand over the left and, therefore, the left strand under the right. Your rope should now resemble fig. 3.

3. Once again, move the right part of the inner loop over the left and the left part under the right to end up with fig. 4.

4. Now the tricky (looking) part. Keep both strands hanging as they are from the bottom of the knot, take part A, which is the bottom of the loop, back through the gap in the strands and out of the central eye towards the top right of the knot as shown by the arrow in fig.4. Your knot should now look like that in fig. 5. depending on how much it has been manhandled. Don't fret if the central part looks a little different; if you've followed all the steps correctly so far you'll be OK.

5. Take part B behind the knot and to the bottom left so that it resembles fig. 6.

6. Take part C in front of the knot, over part B towards bottom right. You will know have an almost finished bottle sling resembling fig. 7.

7. All that is now required is to push the centre X over the neck of your bottle, tighten, and tie the loose ends together with a suitable bend whilst ensuring the resulting loop is the same length as loop A. I have used a drawing bend, as suggested in the absolute bible for knot people, the Ashley Book of Knots.

The hinterwebs also make vague allusions to this knot being used on a chap's nether regions for sexual purposes. Which bits go where I do not know, though I think I can guess.

See The International Guild of Knot Tyers for further resources.

Marvelous Motoring

2011-06-27T21:07:00.007+01:00

The Ural motorcycle combination may not be the fastest or most glamorous vehicle on the road. It may not even be the cheapest when compared to bigger engined, precision-engineered, unfailingly reliable machines. The paint is like nail varnish mixed with candlewax, the chrome does exactly what chrome is not meant to do: rusts, the tires always prefer to revert to their default pressure of 20 PSI after around one week, the gear changes sound like a wobbly hammer hitting an anvil and, being Siberian, it doesn't really appreciate hot weather very much. And true enough, it is certainly not the most relaxing or easiest contraption to pilot, but it is a most exhilarating and stylish ride, in a ruggedly utilitarian, Eastern Bloc tractor kind of way.

Pannier, bumper and spotlight are optional extras

Piloting a combo is incredible fun and so, I'm assured, is being a passenger in the sidecar (or hack or chair as they are sometimes referred to in the sidecar fraternity). Conversation is never far away when parked up, as are waves, points, puzzled looks, laughs and lots and lots of smiles when chugging through town and country.
There is a boot, a footwell, a rack and a spare wheel to store luggage in and on. There is a rather fun reverse gear (a real reverse gear, not one working off the starter motor) and there are the no-nonsense vintage looks- it was, after all, a Russian copy of a 1938 BMW . The whole experience of getting from A to B becomes an exciting adventure, if a little exhausting for the pilot. I am over the initial stages of nervous ownership. I no longer mind if it gets rained on (though I still avoid puddles). Scratches, stone-chips and engine grime no longer trigger irrational palpitations in me and I am almost oblivious to the myriad noises that Tomik (his name) emits according to temperature, temperament and velocity. Much like wearing a new suit, one cannot fully enjoy one's prized possessions until one finally forgets that they are prized and learns to lighten up a little.

Criminal Class

2011-06-19T14:02:00.006+01:00

Criminals of today have no class. I have no idea what they do with their ill-gotten gains but they certainly don't spend them on decent clobber. Back in the 1920s they may have looked a little dishevelled, a little crumpled and dusty, and even a little unsavoury. Some may also have been thoroughly vile fellows. They still, however, had a certain panache as this recent post from Twisted Sifter demonstrates:

Vintage Mugshots from the 1920s.

I'm quite fond of the cocksure appearance of No.14, Guiseppe Fiori. A tad grimy but he looks a solid, no-nonsense sort who we could well do with having on side.

The collection of mugshots are curated by the Sydney Justice and Police Museum which in turn is maintained by the Historic Houses Trust.
You may also be interested in the book, published by the HHT, City of Shadows: Sydney Police Photographs 1912-1948 .

A Lesson in Full-Length Posing

2011-06-12T19:10:00.003+01:00

The following is a little guide for any would-be models and photographers amongst the readership. The author has not found it necessary to insist upon the use of an actual camera- preferably with detachable lens- as opposed to a field telephone masquerading as some manner of photographic machine, as it was a given in the 1950s that household devices were utilised in their primary role and didn't pretend to be other things. You wouldn't catch someone trying to dig the garden with a radiogram in 1954.
The guide is from Professional Methods for Amateur Photographers by John Dixon.

The difference between amateur and professional models is readily apparent in portraiture, but it is even more noticeable in full-length work. The first thing a professional model learns is how to stand, and how to walk. Most models are also mannequins, and spend long hours walking up and down a strip of carpet before hundreds of critical eyes, displaying coats and dresses. This is exacting training, for a girl must be really poised and self-confident, smiling just enough but not too much, walking elegantly but not affectedly, using her hands to give the clothes a flick here, a toss there to show off the detail and selling points. She must also know how to stand so that she looks smart but still natural, and the clothes hang as they should.
An untrained girl simply does not know how to stand for photography. Why should she? She rarely has to stand still for any length of time, except possibly in queues, and even then she is usually laden with a shopping bag which occupies her attention. The art of standing is outside her experience.

For photography, we are not, of course, concerned with a mannequin's elegant walk, but we are concerned that the model should stand so that she looks comfortable and natural, and also shows off her clothes to their best advantage. For, even if you are not doing a fashion shot, you still want to show off your model's clothes nicely. All full-length posed shots are fashion shots to a certain extent.

First make certain that the clothes fit. The girl protests. Of course her clothes fit! But fitting to wear is quite different from fitting for photography. Clothes for normal wear have to be comfortable, and the girl must be able to walk in them easily. The eye is not concerned with minor details while the wearer of the clothes is moving about, but when she is stationary the details become obvious. I photograph many clothes made by top dress houses specially for the model wearers, but they still have to be helped for pictures by extra pinning.

Ask the model to stand in front of the camera. (A plain background and standard 'soft' lighting to give 'free' posing.) She is wearing:

White pique blouse – good material, stiffish.
Short sleeves – tricky because of the amount of bare arm to be posed.
Navy blue linen skirt with white spots – very full flare with two pockets. Useful.
Plain black court shoes with 3 in. heels – good standard flattering footwear.

First, she must tighten the waist belt. A trim waist is most important, and emphasises the fullness of the skirt. Next, you must pin the blouse low down in the middle of the back to take up slight surplus fullness. (Jumpers and wool jersey garments are very good for practising fashion work as they can be stretched and pinned until they fit like a second skin.)
Having fixed her clothes, try out some poses. I have illustrated a typical set of full-length poses, showing how a promising but inexperienced model would stand if the poses were left to her, and how they can be improved upon.

A. Model takes up a general `standing' pose

Feet together.
Left arm straight and hand clenched. Right hand on hip.

Result: stiff and self-conscious.

B. Model eases right foot

Left arm goes lightly to waist.
Right hand to face.
Chest up (blouse fits better).

Result: more natural.

C. Tries a 'fashion' pose

Right foot forward and crossed.
Hands in hip pockets.

Result: skirt dips badly on right, blouse sags again.

D. Changes feet

Left foot forward and out.
Head tipped to left.

Result: skirt now much better, hangs well; tipped head completes curved line from left foot upwards.

E. Moves left foot to front

Body slightly turned to right.
Elbows back.
Head raised and turned to left.
Chest up.

Result: much more elegant; general line much slimmer.

F. To 'show off ' the skirt

Right foot forward and out. Right hand holds skirt up.
Left hand in pocket to balance.

Result: a little self-conscious.

G. Changes feet

Left foot forward and out.
Chest up.

Result: blouse looks better; pose generally improved.

H. To show real fullness of skirt

Left foot forward and out, facing other way. Both hands holding skirt.
Chest up.

Result: attractive pose now; skirt well displayed.

Points to remember
1. All poses start with the feet. If a pose looks wrong, or if the skirt hangs badly, as in B and F, change the position of the feet.
2. Avoid full-on positions, A, C and D. A slight turn to left or right is always better.
3. Avoid wide spanning elbows, C and D.
4. Feet wide apart (teen-age casual pose) is tricky – D and F are not so good. H gets away with it because of the extra fullness of the skirt held by both hands.
5. Pose the head last, facing either left or right and up or down according to the general line of the pose.
6. Always make use of accessories and features of clothes which help posing:
Pockets, to put hands in.
Belts and scarves to fasten or hold.
Full skirts to hold fanned out.
Umbrellas and handbags to occupy the hands.
Gloves — hands can be attractively posed while drawing gloves on.
7. Chest up, always. Never let the model slump, or any pose will be ruined, however promising.

Mental Gymnastics

2011-06-04T18:09:00.005+01:00

Pseudoscience and its 'practitioners' (otherwise known as quacks, charlatans, fraudsters and criminals) not only taint our National Health Service with their homeopathic lunacy, they are now teaching our children to be idiots or, more precisely, attempting to prevent them from being rational, questioning, intelligent people. The following is the most recent post from Ben Goldacre over at Bad Science :

Brain Gym is a schools program I’ve been writing on since 2003. It’s a series of elaborate physical movements with silly pseudoscientific justifications: you wiggle your head back and forth because that gets more blood into your frontal lobes for clearer thinking; you contort your fingers together to improve some unnamed “energy flow”; they’re keen on drinking water, because “processed foods” – I’m quoting the Brain Gym Teacher’s Manual – “do not contain water.” You pay hundreds of thousands of pounds for Brain Gym, and it’s still done in hundreds of state schools across the UK.
This week I got an email from a science teacher about a 13 year old pupil. Both have to remain anonymous. This pupil wrote an article about Brain Gym for her school paper, explaining why it’s nonsense: the essay is respectful, straightforward, and factual. But the school decided they couldn’t print it, because it would offend teachers in the junior school who use Brain Gym.
Now, this is weakminded, and perhaps even vicious. More interesting, though, is how often children are able to spot bullshit, and how often adults want to shut them up.
Emily Rosa is the youngest person ever to have published a scientific paper in JAMA, one of the most influential medical journals in the world. At the age of 9 she saw a TV program about nurses who practise “Therapeutic Touch”, claiming they can detect and manipulate a “human energy field” by hovering their hands above a patient.
For her school science fair project, Rosa conceived and executed an experiment to test if they really could detect this “field”. 21 experienced practitioners put their palms on a table, behind a screen. Rosa flipped a coin, hovered her hand over the therapist’s left or right palm accordingly, and waited for them to say which it was: the therapists performed no better than chance, and with 280 attempts there was sufficient statistical power to show that these claims were bunk.
Therapeutic Touch practitioners, including some in university posts, were deeply unhappy: they insisted loudly that JAMA was wrong to publish the study.
Closer to home is Rhys Morgan, a schoolboy with Crohns Disease. Last year, chatting on www.crohnsforum.com, he saw people recommending “Miracle Mineral Solution”, which turned out to be industrial bleach, sold with a dreary conspiracy theory to cure Aids, cancer, and so on.
Aged 15, he was perfectly capable of exploring the evidence, finding official documents, and explaining why it was dangerous. The adults banned him. Since then he’s got his story on the One Show, while the Chief Medical Officer for Wales, the Food Standards Agency and Trading Standards have waded in.
People wring their hands over how to make science relevant and accessible, but newspapers hand us one answer on a plate every week, with the barrage of claims on what’s good for you or bad for you: it’s evidence based medicine. If every school taught the basics – randomised trials, blinding, cohort studies, and why systematic reviews are better than cherrypicking your evidence – it would help everyone navigate the world, and learn some of the most important ideas in the whole of science.
But even before that happens, we can feel optimistic. Information is more easily accessible now than ever before, and smart motivated people can sidestep traditional routes to obtain knowledge, and disseminate it. A child can know more about evidence than their peers, and more than adults, and more than their own teachers; they can tell the world what they know, and they can have an impact.
So the future is bright. And if you’re one of the teachers who stopped a child’s essay from being published, because it dared to challenge your colleagues for promoting the ludicrousness of Brain Gym, then really: shame on you.

Guerrilla Gardening

2011-05-30T15:57:00.006+01:00

Regular readers will have noticed the link on the right to Guerrilla Gardening but many will not so I thought a post on the subject would be in order.

A Worker-Dandy not only strives to dandify herself, she also endeavours to dandify her surroundings. This is where guerrilla gardening comes in.
From a Worker-Dandyist perspective guerrilla gardening is a laudable activity that benefits the individual, the community and the public at large. It is a worldwide movement that reclaims public spaces that the local authorities have long since abandoned and beautifies or utilises them for the good of the local community. One only has to open one's eyes to see what decay and detritus surrounds us: litter, fly-tips, wasteland, rampant weeds and dog shit. Matters must be taken into our own hands. Bad surroundings produce bad behaviour. Whether a gardener or not, it has to be admitted that lush greenery, brilliant blooms and fragrant flowers lift the spirits. Your potential jungle may be a two-feet wide, cigarette butt and beer can strewn concrete planter by your local shopping precinct but it can be transformed into a tiny oasis of pleasure with only a little time, effort and outlay. Not only flowers but herbs and vegetables can be grown on neglected patches. What better way to bring residents together than by reclaiming spaces, working side by side and, literally, enjoying the fruits of their labour together?
Read the website, buy the book, get digging. Of course, you don't have to buy the book (you could always steal it) but it is quite handy and a very uplifting read. Likewise, you don't need to visit that particular website as there are other, very different takes on guerrilla gardening's objectives, tactics and regard to law dotted around the hinterweb.

But for starters, here are some tips, reposted from the website:

Spot some local orphaned land.
You will be amazed how many little grubby patches of unloved public space there are. Neglected flower beds, concrete planters sprouting litter and untamed plants, bare plots of mud. Chose one close to home, perhaps you pass it on the way to the shops or work, and appoint yourself it's parent. This will make it much easier to look after in the long term and reduce the risk of straying into a dangerous neighbourhood.
Plan a mission.
Make a date in the diary for an evening attack, when trouble-making busy bodies are out of sight. Invite supportive friends, or perhaps enrole supportive strangers by announcing your attack in the Guerrilla Gardening Community here.
Find a local supply of plants.
The cheaper the better. For city dwellers think local DIY stores, supermarkets and whole salers. The cheapest plants are ones that are free. Sometimes garden centres will have spare plants to give you for the cause. Or befriend someone with a garden (you might even be lucky and have a garden yourself). Think of these private spaces as the training camps for harvesting seeds, cuttings and plants hardened for their big adventure in the wilds of public space. If you have things going spare please leave a message in the Community forum for guerrillas near to where you live.
Choose plants for front line battle.
Think hardy - resistant to water shortages and the cold, and in some locations pedestrian trampling! These plants need to look after themselves a lot of the time. Think impactful - colour, ever green foliage, scale. These plants need to really make a difference, for as much of the year as possible. Visit the Community to get advice about specific plants for your part of the world, and to share your horticultural advice with the less experienced. In London I use a lot of herbs like Lavander and Thyme, tulip bulbs, shurbs.
Get some Wellington Shoes.
Whilst protecting your feet from mud and providing good purchase on a fork, these rubber shoes also don't look too obviously "agricultural" as the usual boot, and blend in well with the urban environment. I've even worn these clubbing. Andy (233) wrapped his white trainers in carrier bags which worked very effectively, and enables a very convincing clean-footed get-away should you want to whip them off quickly.
Bag some bags.
Plastic bags, bin liners (not only can they keep your feet clean), but they are essential for clearing up the deteritous of war. Weeds, litter, flower pots, and pebbles need to be carried away. For gentle work recuse wind blown carrier bags or for more serious gardening reuse compost bags or giant sacks from builder's merchants. The thick plastic does not rip and you can lug a great deal in them to a nearby bin.
Regular Watering. One of the responsibilities of a Guerrilla Gardener is ongoing tendering. Water is short in many parts of the world, even drissly old London. The Guerrilla Gardener must usually carry water (though I know of New York guerrillas who have keys to road side hydrants!) I have used petrol cannisters, they are the perfect water-tight, efficiently-packed portable transportation. But it has caused passers-by to ask if I am a nocturnal arsonist. Julie (159) came up with the genius idea of using old water dispenser bottles. They work extremely well.
Seed bombs.
For gardening those areas where access is difficult or a long dig is unsuitable, use a seed bombs (sometimes called green grenades) which are seeds and soil held in an explosive or degradable capsule. There are many different methods, some you can easily make at home, some that require a bit more ingenuity. I've compiled a list of six options and their pros and cons on a new Seed Bomb page. Visit it here
Chemical Warfare.
Boost your plants with natural chemicals. Some guerrillas are lucky to have space for compost heaps. Alex (1797) lives in a flat with no garden so has employed an efficient army of red worms to help him make his chemical weapons. In a box in the kitchen his Eisenia Fetida transform food into a rich vermicompost and worm juice fertiliser. Click here to read his blog and for links to other worm farmers.
Garden with a girl
Clara (005) pointed this out to me. Having a girl on a dig (not only is as useful as the equivalent male troop) is a brilliant diversion should the cops pass by and get inqusitive. I encourage participants to take inspiration from the appropriately named Daisy Duke, who was masterful at diverting Boss Hogg from whatever Bo and Luke were up to. Then again, dressed like Daisy, the police might assume you were into floral bedding of a very different nature.
Spread the word
Let people know what you have done with a few flyers under doors near the guerrilla gardening war zone, a poster taped to a phone box or bus stop, a marker in the soil. Engage passers by in conversation, perhaps even bring a few spare tools. And welcome local media (particularly if they'll help towards the cost of your gardening, which many do).
Transportation.
If you are not guerrilla gardening within walking distance from your home (the ideal) you will need some transportation. My solution has been capacious two seaters. Convertibles with big wide flat boots enable both trees and large trays of plants to be easily transported. The one pictured is an old Volkswagen Porsche 914 with a wipe clean vinyl interior. Andrew (1679) gets all over the place on a bicycle, with plants strapped to his back (even a Washingtonia palm).

And finally, a link to a video demonstrating the unfailing idiocy of the British constabulary. I apologise for the twin crimes of linking to the Guardian and of linking to a video with ads: http://gu.com/p/xbxnb

After the Rapture

2011-05-22T11:03:00.002+01:00

Judgement Day day has come and gone. Bring on the ridicule.

Feel the Squeeze

2011-05-16T15:48:00.002+01:00

From time to time, due to my inherent laziness and inability to articulate simple ideas (it's the gin, you know) I like to include snippets of literature from various books relevent to the intended readership of this blog, rather than write anything of substance myself.
The following is a paragraph from Workers' Councils by Anton Pannekoek written in 1948:

Labor under capitalism in its essential nature is a system of squeezing. The workers must be driven to the utmost exertion of their powers, either by hard constraint or by the kinder arts of persuasion. Capital itself is in a constraint; if it cannot compete, if the profits are inadequate, the business will collapse. Against this pressure the workers defend themselves by a continual instinctive resistance. If not, if they willingly should give way, more than their daily labor power would be taken from them. It would be an encroaching upon their funds of bodily power, their vital power would be exhausted before its time, as to some extent is the case now; degeneration, annihilation of health and strength, of themselves and their offspring, would be the result. So resist they must. Thus every shop, every enterprise, even outside the times of sharp conflict, of strikes or wage reductions, is the scene of a constant silent war, of a perpetual struggle, of pressure and counter-pressure. Rising and falling under its influence, a certain norm of wages, hours and tempo of labor establishes itself, keeping them just at the limit of what is tolerable and intolerable [if intolerable the total of production is effected]. Hence the two classes, workers and capitalists, while having to put up with each other in the daily course of work, in deepest essence, by their opposite interests, are implacable foes, living, when not fighting, in a kind of armed peace.

SlutWalk

2011-05-14T11:18:00.009+01:00

On Sunday, April 3rd, the first Slutwalk happened in Toronto as a reaction to a police officer's tired and unimaginative comment that, “women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized”.

As the city’s major protective service, the Toronto Police have perpetuated the myth and stereotype of ‘the slut’, and in doing so have failed us. With sexual assault already a significantly under-reported crime, survivors have now been given even less of a reason to go to the Police, for fear that they could be blamed. Being assaulted isn’t about what you wear; it’s not even about sex; but using a pejorative term to rationalize inexcusable behaviour creates an environment in which it’s okay to blame the victim.

Historically, the term ‘slut’ has carried a predominantly negative connotation. Aimed at those who are sexually promiscuous, be it for work or pleasure, it has primarily been women who have suffered under the burden of this label. And whether dished out as a serious indictment of one’s character or merely as a flippant insult, the intent behind the word is always to wound, so we’re taking it back. “Slut” is being re-appropriated.

For those of limited intellect and moral paucity, blaming a rape victim for her own rape because she was dressed a certain way seems entirely logical. Who could forget the UK's very own (and, thankfully, very dead) Judge Pickles, a rape enthusiast who thought that women in mini-skirts were asking for it. For the rest of us, blaming rape on anything other than the rapist is a grotesque villainy that really ought to have fallen from favour around the same time that we evolved nostrils.

I'd like to ask the Toronto copper what, exactly, is de rigueur for sluts when out on the town doing whatever it is that sluts do when, you know, they're not fucking and sucking and demanding to be violated. What is the highest heel one can wear before openly inviting sexual assault? How many inches above the knee can a hemline hang before a big neon sign goes up saying, 'punch me to the ground, violently penetrate me and leave me for dead you big, manly brute, you'?

But enough unpleasantness. The Slutwalk is a positive action and I think the sentiments of the Slutwalk chime quite nicely with some of the tenets of Worker-Dandyism. Men and women should be able to dress exactly as they please without fear of hassle, intimidation or violence, and all power to women who wish to dress sexily, 'provocatively', glamorously or 'sluttily'. There seems to be an air of joyful hedonism about the whole thing.
There are international Slutwalks planned and I sincerely hope that the London Slutwalk will feature a certain vampishness of times past. The 1920s, '30s, '40s and '50s were the decades of the vixen and we would therefore like to see those eras represented; daringly diaphanous blouses, scandalously split skirts showing shockingly sheer stockings, heavenly high heels, wiggles, jiggles and giggles! Oh dear, I've come over all peculiar.

Will it achieve anything? Is SlutWalk an appropriate name? Am I a bad man for wanting to take my camera? Comments, as always, are most welcome.

SlutWalk London, June 11th, 1pm, Trafalgar Square.

How I would have done the flyer

Che Guevara's Style Disaster

2011-04-24T18:52:00.004+01:00

As you know, the twin pillars supporting the magnificent edifice of Worker-Dandyism are revolutionary aspiration and sartorial flair, whether in the workplace, on the motorcycle, in the boudoir, or on the dancefloor. Almost all revolutionaries throughout history understood that clothes make the man, hence their impeccable attire. One need not be perfectly clean and starched to appear dapper, in fact one may be covered head-to-toe in desert dust, jungle foliage or the viscera of one's enemies and still maintain the general countenance of a dandy. "No!" you exclaim? Well, you keep your flimsy foppishness, for this is Worker-Dandyism! The proletariat, by virtue of our toil, are often caked in the filth of our labour but does not the blackened and oily locomotive engineer still appear solidly smart? Yes, I say! And just as the sweating worker, clad in sturdy canvas, embodies honest vigour so too the righteous rebel. Villa and Zapata, Subcommandante Marcos, James Connolly, The Black Panthers, the Kronstadt Sailors- all very sharp indeed.
What, then, was Mr Guevara thinking when being photographed for what would become an iconic image amongst, oddly, apathetic (and poorly attired) students the world over?

The beret is, of course, a requirement of anyone, male or female, with a claim to being well-dressed. The hair and phizog fluff, whilst not trimmed, are to be expected of someone involved in guerrilla actions through sea, mountain and jungle.

What bewilders me is the jacket. Why would a chap as undoubtedly splendid as Che Guevara be wearing what appears to be Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' blouson?

Was it a CIA manipulated photograph to discredit the charismatic revolutionary similar to the bizarre plan to de-pogonotrophy Castro with thalium salts? Was Che a proto-disco visionary? Was he influenced on his path to righteousness by Flash Gordon? Nobody knows.
If only this later photograph of Ernesto had been the one blu-tacked to the walls of filthy, spaghetti-hoop and beer can-strewn halls of residence. Maybe we would all be just a little more dandy today.

Storm by Tim Minchin & D C Turner

2011-04-09T10:47:00.003+01:00

It is very poor form to create a blog entirely of re-posted YouTube videos so, for this, I apologise but I enjoy animation and I enjoy belittling supernaturalists so this video is, to me, most enjoyable.
I hope you enjoy it too.

No Religion

2011-03-08T09:58:00.003Z

The following information is from the British Humanist Association's Census Campaign on the importance of stating 'No Religion' on the 2011 Census form.

Why does it matter?

“Statistics form the backbone of democratic debate…Every day in the UK, decisions are made and money invested based on official statistics.”
Jil Matheson, National Statistician, October 2010

After the 2001 Census, the figures collected were used to justify the following policies:

Increase in the number of faith schools
The continuation of collective worship in schools
The public funding and support of ‘interfaith’ and faith-based organisations above the support offered to secular organisations
Suggestions of an increase in the role of faith in Britain under the coalition government
The appointments of government advisors on faith
Contracting out public services to religious organisations
Keeping the 26 Bishops in the House of Lords as of right
Continued high number of hours dedicated to religious broadcasting
Specific consultation at government and local level with ‘faith communities’ over and above other groups within society
Continued privileges for religious groups in equality law and other legislation

The Census gives the official figures about various aspects of the population. Data is used by government both locally and centrally as evidence to back up their policy decisions. If the number of people who appear to be religious is inflated, policies regarding service delivery, equality work and many other areas will be affected. See Examples of Census data use (or see the more concise summary).
For example, the previous government used Census figures in the preamble of their document Face to Face and Side by Side, which set out a number of policies which disadvantaged non-religious people and secular groups in the voluntary sector.
Local authorities use census data when making decisions about resource allocation and the types of organisation which they want to deliver services.
The 2001 figure stating that 72% of the population are ‘Christian’ has been used in a variety of negative ways, such as to justify the continuing presence of Bishops in the House of Lords, to justify the state-funding of faith schools (and their expansion), to justify and increase religious broadcasting and to exclude the voices of non-religious people in Parliament and elsewhere.
If the 2011 census creates a similarly inaccurate figure, it may lead to further discrimination against non-religious people and greater privileging for religious groups and individuals.

How Not to Address a Lady

2011-02-28T16:43:00.004Z

Apologies to Gerd Arntz.

Olga the Talentless Lump

2011-02-27T14:29:00.001Z

I've moved the Burlesque Name Generator over to Bitterness and Gin.

Just in case you were looking for it.

Probably not.

Carry on then.

Undies

2011-02-19T23:00:00.008Z

If we're being truthful, the Seven Wonders of the World are mere curios when compared to a comely young strumpet in her underwear. Picturesque vistas of bucolic serenity become nothing but transient snapshots in the mind- but the image of a nylon-legged lovely (or three) will stay burned into the cerebrum for some considerable time, if not eternity.

Most people, be they lady or gent, seem to appreciate the visual pleasures of near-nakedness in a female. Unfortunately the same cannot be said of of a chap almost-stripped of his modesty. Sock suspenders do not excite the senses in quite the same way as stockings and suspenders do. Most of us chaps are cursed with fairly unappealing shapes that can only be improved by the addition of clothing, whereas the lady will improve more and more with the subtraction of clothing.

I'm sorry to have to break it to you gentlemen, but the only under-linen suitable for us is the all-enveloping union suit. For those of you uneducated in such sartorial matters the union suit is the rather fetching all-in-one favoured by steely eyed desperadoes in spaghetti Westerns- especially when leaping from bordello windows, being pursued by humourless sheriffs and short-changed Madams. I have four such suits and they serve me very well in all matters carnal- though I've yet to experience the effects they have on Texan prostitutes. Anything that hides an amorous young (or not-so-young) Lothario's sparrow-legs, paunch and everything else in between neck and ankle can only be an aid to the art of loving when in the boudoir. They also have an ingenious 'bum-flap' which enables the wearer to visit the night commode and still not reveal any of his unpleasant bits to any potentially shocked onlookers in the room. With that, I shall leave the subject of men in their grubby smalls as I am beginning to feel a tad queasy. I shall not even mention men in ladies' underwear- except in the sentence you are currently reading; pay it no heed though as thoughts of such things can be damaging to one's mental wellbeing.

With the current popularity of all things 'burlesque'- and I use the term in its loosest possible sense- we are lucky enough to enjoy a veritable glut of young minxes ready, willing, and able to stand on a stage and take most of their clothes of for our delectation. Before this fortuitous fad our best chances of witnessing bare buttocks and bobbing bosoms was to either venture to some unpleasant, glass and chromium ‘club’ full of sweating businessmen, baying stag parties and weirdly orange-hued dancers or watch the ubiquitous Sunday strippers writhe around on a Wrigleys-riddled carpet for a pint of change in the local tavern while an indifferent and hungover clientele threw pork scratchings at them.

The only trouble with all this neo-burlesque is that for every hundred girls who adopt the mid-century vamp persona, only a handful can carry it off- the rest just go home at the end of the night and swoon over their Justin Timberlake posters while the long-haired boyfriend marvels at his luck in scoring with a girl who wears Tescos hold-ups from time to time. A discussion on the relative merits of modern-versus-vintage burlesque is for another time though. For now let us concentrate on the matter at hand- the appeal of lissome ladies in lingerie

It all started with Eve in the Garden of Eden. There she was, feeling a little frisky after consuming vast quantities of fermenting apples when she realised she had a lot of work to do in populating the planet. Adam, at this stage, was suffering from extreme flaccidity due to also having a skinful of cider. In a flash of inspiration Eve realised that a carefully placed fig-leaf would add a strange mystery to her slightly unkempt pudendum which resulted in Adam achieving instant penile rigidity. And so it goes throughout the ages. Do you think the dinosaurs would have been quite so keen on Raquel Welch had she not been almost wearing that chamois leather bikini? Would lithe young ladies hear the calling and become nuns if not for the promise of high-heels, black stockings and quarter-cup bras as well as surreptitious lesbianism and blasphemous fantasy? I know- I've seen the films. Would I still be an official (it says so on the divorce papers) adulterer without the irresistible allure of fully-fashioned, Cuban-heel stockings? Who knows.

Nudity is, of course, smashing. But, like Adam, we often need a little adornment to really get the fires burning. We wouldn't really be too interested in watching a totally naked lady on stage doing some form of accessory-free burlesque routine. That would be dull at best, interpretive dance at worst. We all have a little bit of the fetishist about us.

Just like paintings, windows and bicycles- a woman's nether regions are best with a frame. And what better way to frame such a delightful area than with a girdle, corset or suspender belt as the top, suspender straps as the verticals and the stocking tops (or 'welts') as the base. An exquisite picture is formed in the mind, I'm sure you'll agree. The visual stimulations of lingerie-clad minxes are increased fivefold when such delicates are crafted from the most diaphanous of fabrics.

We could wistfully ponder the sheer brilliance of fine underwear for pages and pages but let us now return to the grim reality of today.

Proof is all around us that it is so very, very easy to follow the wrong path in matters pertaining to pants. The beginning of the twenty-first century will undoubtedly be remembered as the decade that style forgot. We've had flairs, feathercuts and fringed jackets but never before have we had teenage boys thinking they look good exposing their revolting, shit-stained shorts by wearing their trousers around their arses. As I have already mentioned- men's smalls shouldn't really be seen. Deliberately having their pathetic buttocks hanging over the top of their jeans is nothing short of idiocy. What on Earth are they seeing in the mirror? It surely can't be what we're seeing or they’d immediately burn all their clothes, whilst still wearing them, and leap from the nearest window in abject shame.

Now to the ladies. What is all this 'whale-tail' malarkey? I am lead to believe that young women are deliberately pulling their thongs over their hipster trousers in the seriously mistaken belief that they look 'sexy'. This is not the case. Avoid at all costs unless third-rate, Kings Cross prostitute with a meth habit is the look you are going for. It's even less appealing when you crouch down to force-feed your screeching infant some more lard and poison my eyes on the way to the bar.

Lingerie is the greatest achievement of humankind. Let us be thankful. Let us use it wisely.*

*This post has been previously published in The Wrench

A Guide to Relaxation

2011-02-16T18:51:00.003Z

“Work to live, don't live to work”- a sentiment that will guide us well in these hectic days of global capitalism. The less time spent generating profit for the loathsome reptiles at the top of the ladder, the better for us- the refined sophisticates- at the bottom. So, when we are not working, we must be resting.

In order to pursue our precious days of rest and relaxation we will need to abscond from the workplace temporarily. Most of us will be fairly adept at taking full advantage of that great British tradition- The Sickie. It is our right, nay, our obligation as wage slaves, to partake in our employers' contractual sick pay scheme. For those with a healthy disposition this usually means an extra four days holiday a year. For the sickly amongst us, I'm afraid you will have to work through whatever genuine illnesses befall you in order to fully enjoy any extra days of lolling you may choose to indulge in. Time spent at home when actually sick is a miserable experience and not to be recommended.

We may choose to execute the early morning telephonic excuses ourselves or perhaps delegate the task to a convincing co-conspirator; either way, when we do decide to return to the workplace it is imperative that our boss is made aware that we do it out of a sense of duty and team spirit and that any lesser minion would have stayed off for a further two weeks. He or she will not doubt you as it is plainly obvious by your clammy pallor, swollen eyelids and gravelly tones that you are at death's door. One must always turn a massive hangover to one's advantage. If lucky, you may get sent straight home again with a pat on the back for being so selflessly conscientious.

Once your boss has been informed of your rapid descent into paralysis and fever due to an exceedingly rare and very localised outbreak of the Ebola virus, you may commence with the task at hand: lounging. Perfect lazing demands absolute comfort thus we must be properly attired. As we all know, 'slipping into something a little more comfortable' means, for the ladies, rolling on the sheerest of gossamer-like, seamed stockings (with appropriate suspension), draping a diaphanous negligee over their dainty shoulders, and stepping into the highest marabou mules the laws of physics will allow. Any other underwear is inadvisable due to the discomforting effects of bra straps and knicker elastic.

The chaps have several options; we may choose a velvet smoking jacket with quilted silk collar and cuffs (and matching cap) with some smart trousers, maybe a nightshirt, nightcap and Turkish slippers or, as I have recently acquired, a Chinese silk Kung-Fu suit and Kimono-style dressing gown. Some chaps may espouse a doctrine of nakedness when around the house but, unless one desires to be stricken with nausea when flapping past a full-length mirror, I would strongly discourage this hippy behaviour.

Thus clothed we may continue to enjoy our day of leisure, the object of which is to gain the maximum of pleasure from the minimum expenditure of effort.

We shall start the day as we mean to go on (at around 1pm) with a suitably dissolute breakfast of Champagne cocktails; Bucks Fizz, Bellini or possibly a Black Velvet if you're hungry. Why not have all three. Twice. If you are one of these wretches with a frail and enervated constitution you may require solid food at this point in the day but I find this an unnecessary and irksome frippery. It is best to eat only when advised by a medical practitioner as alcohol is plenty fuel for anyone to thrive on and, besides, relaxation requires very little in the way of energy.

The Outside is not a calming place to be so we will need to stay on The Inside and block out as much of The Outside as possible. Curtains must be drawn, telephones unplugged and neighbours silenced. Provisions, such as pipe tobacco, gin and pornography (in various media) should have been amassed in advance so as to avoid the need to open the front door on this- our day of idling. All necessities should be gathered together in one place, ideally within arms' reach of the sofa on which we shall be reclining. Suggested items might include a filled ice bucket, base spirits, mixers and garnishes, an electric toaster (and bread), a duvet, a teasmaid, a funnel inserted into a large bottle, a selection of cheeses, a box of Kleenex, the collected works of The Marquis de Sade and, of course, the remote control devices for television, hi-fi, dvd, video, freeview and, if a bit of a handyman, the mechanical butler. If anything else in your darkened den of decadence requires remote operation but lacks the electronic means for such function, fear not for an elaborate system of strings and pulleys can satisfy most labour-saving problems as Heath Robinson so ably demonstrated in his drawings.

It is not my place to suggest ways in which you may while away the hours suffice to remind you that if your partner has deserted you and gone off to toil or if you happen to be a singleton, where boredom is encountered, onanism is never very far behind.

Enjoy your day off.*

*This has previously been published elsewhere .

The Nadir of Capitalism

2011-01-29T19:47:00.000Z

Olfactory Awareness

2010-10-23T17:45:00.001+01:00

Re-drawn from Woman magazine, w/e July 6, 1957.

The Worker-Dandyist Manifesto

2010-10-04T15:40:00.020+01:00

The Worker-Dandyist Manifesto

The Working Class is paramount. Our Dandyism is subordinate to our class. Dandyism outside of the class is of no interest to us. Dandyism without class-consciousness is of no interest to us.
We are committed to total social change with the ultimate aim of absolute democracy. There is no blueprint for the New Society so we needn’t get into any pigeon-holing or championing of dead Russians just yet. Suffice to say, we are not vanguardists; we are of the seething, but smartly dressed, masses.
Proletarian revolution is not, as enemies of the class insist, about universally lowering living standards to the level we plebs are currently forced to live at. It is about raising our living standards to the highest levels achievable. We refuse to abandon the good things in life to those chinless dolts who have done nothing to assist in their production. We reject the stale crumbs flicked from the rich man’s table. We demand the entire bakery and one day we will take the entire bakery.
We define our Dandyism, in essence, as simply making as much of an effort as possible with the limited resources available. An effort in sartorial flair and individuality, an effort in civility, social responsibility and courtesy, and an effort in communal culture, welfare and hedonism. Our definition of Dandyism will most certainly conflict with the pompous elitists’ definition of Dandyism. Of course, we embrace and encourage popinjays, peacocks and coxcombs but we shall dispense with the conceitedness and selfishness associated with such terms in favour of consideration and kindness.
The Worker-Dandy opposes sweatshop labour, child labour and forced labour. If you paid £5 for a new skirt then someone, somewhere has been paid, at most, pennies to manufacture it. The Worker-Dandy will never knowingly contribute to such exploitation.There are many ways and means of dressing well. Slavery is not one of them.
The Dandy will seek out what he or she regards as the very best in music, art and film. That is not to say that we affect a yearning for highbrow pursuits; far from it. We simply will not allow ourselves to be bottle-fed shit by talentless, creatively bankrupt moguls. We are not affected one jot by any artificially created charts, polls or ratings and are equally unmoved by profit-driven advertising. Information is what we require to make choices, or, failing that, a coin.
Dandyism may be thought of as a bit silly. True enough, it is a little daft but humans without humour are no fun to be around and fun is, after all, humanity’s raison d’être.
Dandyism is not for everyone and may be regarded as superficial by many. We agree: outward appearance is intrinsically superficial but, in the case of Worker-Dandyism, is a reaction against slovenliness, a rejection of the consumption of crap and an outward reflection of a dapper soul. We regard Worker-Dandyism as just one method of achieving greater happiness, friendship and social cohesion within the class.
We reject religion and supernaturalism just as a growing child rejects Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy: as nothing but infantile fantasies passed from generation to generation and, in the case of organised religion, with the sole purpose of converting the class to fatalistic defeatism and apathy thus avoiding revolutionary desires. People are born atheists, they are converted to simpletons.
At worst, religion is a force for unmitigated evil directed by a hierarchy of deep-dyed degenerates with no regard for life- human or otherwise.
Worker-Dandyism is rational and therefore vehemently opposed to quackery. Pseudo-science is a leech that feeds on humanity both economically and physically. Reflexology, homeopathy, magnet therapy, etc., are all bunk. Snake-oil salesmen have always exploited the gullibility and desperation of the sick for financial ends and, while people are free to dispose of their earnings as they please, when people are discouraged from seeking proven medical treatment in favour of junk remedies we regard this as tantamount to criminal assault.
We are Anti-Fashion. Fashion, being an arbitrary, capitalist construct, is irrelevant. We do not change our tastes from month to month and do not need to change our wardrobe from season to season -excepting the demands of climate and weather. We appreciate that clothing design evolves through the ages but quality, style and function are, to a Worker-Dandy and, indeed, to anyone with an ounce of sense, what matters. Wear what you like, not what the High Street dictates.
Alcohol, when consumed imaginatively, responsibly and regularly, can act as a stimulus to hedonism, carnality and revolt. It should, therefore, be embraced with gusto.
The Worker-Dandyist International has no leaders, no structure and, tellingly, no members. We simply encourage YOU to declare yourself a Worker-Dandy, attempt to live by the spirit of this manifesto and encourage others to do so. Bottoms up!

I reserve the right to edit, bugger about with, worsen or improve this manifesto at any time and for any reason just because I can.

Autumnal Sartorialism

2010-09-18T17:46:00.003+01:00

Autumn is threatening; sometimes crisp, sometimes damp, always chilly. This gives us chaps ample reason to seek a change of wardrobe in order to promenade the windy streets and lanes with sure-footed gusto and cosy confidence. With this in mind I have taken the liberty of suggesting a few items of apparel, some of which I have found more than adequate in coping with the season's temperatures.

Firstly, the reproduction Submariner Sweater in unbleached wool from Rocket Originals. A splendid jumper that is equally at home in submarine, on motorcycle or by hostelry fireside. The purveyors correctly advise that one may like to purchase the next size up if something more than a snug fit is required. Mine is toasty warm and even has a faint whiff of the farmyard about it. The sizes go down to a 36" chest so, as well as the rest of the ladies knitwear, the fairer sex can also don this.

Submariner Sweater

The sweater will look ruggedly dashing when worn underneath a replica Ursula jacket from Barbour. Now, some of us may associate Barbour, and wax jackets in particular, with chinless pheasant pluckers and ruddy-cheeked horse fetishists but they have a long history in the world of motoring and, once again, submarines: "The Ursula suit was named after the U-class submarine, Ursula whose commander Captain George Philips was instrumental in getting the suits produced". They are also considerably cheaper than Belstaff (though you may want to have a peak at the shockingly desirable Avus jacket).
* Update: I've just received the Ursula and it's too tight across the shoulders so I'd advise that if you are in the upper bracket of their sizings to go for the next size up, eg. if you are a 40" chest don't go for the medium, which is 38" to 40", go for the large. Also, the belt and collar buckles are made of cheap plastic when they should be leather. A little disappointing but not too difficult to remedy. I may swap mine for brass.

Ursula Jacket

I appreciate that not everyone likes to venture out of the house in underpants or longjohns so I have included these very utilitarian trousers from Old Town Clothing. I have pairs in engineer's navy and khaki canvas and I'm confident a sturdier trouser was never made. For slightly smarter activities than hunt sabotage or Parliament-burning one may prefer a more refined fabric such as wool serge or Harris tweed.

High-Rise Trousers

As for footwear, well, we gents are spoiled for choice for a change. Where ladies are offered plastic monstrosities with a 2 month lifespan we can still obtain relatively good craftsmanship for our tootsies. William Lennon offer a range of hardwearing work and country boots at resonable prices, considering how long they will last. The 78N Hob-Nailed boots have a horseshoe front and back and an exceptionally heavy leather sole. They may not be well suited for strutting around our capital's marbled termini (think Guardsmen on ice) but they would undoubtedly tread the stony lanes from here to eternity. And probably crack Brazil nuts too.

Hob-Nailed Boot

If something a little less rugged and a tad more stylish is required then Herring Shoes offer some very well priced shoes and boots in their clearance section. Keep an eye out for their own brand brogue boot called the Burgh.

I shall post more suggestions as and when I think of them or find them.
Tata!

Toro! Toro! Toro!

2010-08-22T17:10:00.004+01:00

After the recent bid for freedom by a tormented and doomed bull I thought I'd post the video footage, plus similar other videos, of mentally and culturally below par dimwits getting a damned good skewering at the sharp end of our brutalised bovine chums.

I apologise if some of you have seen me post these before but they do fill me with a warm glow and a feeling of great satisfaction, much like polishing off a good bottle of port.

I propose we have our very own bull run in Britain, preferably up a very narrow street filled with terrified fox-hunters, badger-baiters, fur-wearers, the entire Countryside Alliance and other associated vermin. We could cheer and jeer from windows and balconies and poke the cowering cretins with sharp sticks whilst quaffing rum cocktails.

8 New Hairstyles

2010-07-20T18:05:00.002+01:00

Yes, yes, this would have been much better as a PDF but that would be far too sensible for Blogger. Simply click on the pictures for the larger versions and they will become legible.
From Woman's Fair, May 1940.

The Girl Watcher's Guide

2010-04-17T11:48:00.001+01:00

Here are some excerpts from The Girl Watcher's Guide by Don Sauers which modern leerers, whistlers and grinning gangs of grunters would do well to digest:

There's no doubt that men have been watching girls for a long, long time. And there is even less doubt that girls have ever minded. Ovid said, 'Virginibus cordi grataque forma sua est'. ('Dear to the heart of girls is their own beauty.') This should dispel once and for all the fear that the girl watcher is invading anyone's privacy. After all, girls who don't like to be looked at can wear sackcloth.

Concerning Self-Control

When a man does invade a girl's privacy he is no longer a girl watcher. At least, he has stopped being a girl watcher for the time being. Although we believe that girl watching has it over bird watching, we feel that these two hobbies do share one important feature. They are both genteel. They both respect the rights of the watched. A girl watcher who who asks a beautiful stranger for her name and telephone number is like a bird watcher who steals eggs. Corner any honourable bird watcher and he'll admit that nests are being raided every day, but he'll deny ever having been guilty of the crime. The honourable girl watcher feels the same way.

A girl watcher will never merely look at a beautiful girl. He will always watch her. He feels that the beautiful girl who is merely looked at is insulted. And it is even more insulting to leer at her. A girl watcher never leers, nor does he utter any sound which might betray his joy. His reaction is secret. His pleasure is warm, quiet, internal.

A Case of Carelessness

As we pointed out earlier, girls like to be watched and the watcher, when he is well schooled, is rarely in any danger. Amateur watchers, however, have been known to suffer injury. One day a Londoner who was driving south along Regent Street happened to notice a young Late-Rising Pubthrush (see 'Types to Look for', page 48) walking north as he crossed the top of Marlborough Street. Six seconds later he was sitting in the middle of Regent Street, his car, facing northwards, was on the pavement in front of Jaeger's, and the Pubthrush had stopped a friend of hers to compliment him on his new beret.

Mastering the 'Once-Over'

Another exercise is suggested for the aspirant who is interested in the whole girl. Some, naturally, are interested in faces only and may not wish to become masters of the discreet, top-to-bottom once-over. Since it is never in good taste to look down after watching a beautiful girl's face, the expert, will, as soon as he realizes that she is really beautiful, look at her feet. Then, very slowly, without moving his head, he will gradually raise his eyes. In other words, it is always better to stop with a girl's eyes than to start with them. The student can develop this ability by practising with some object which is approximately as high as a girl. An office coat rack makes a splendid practice subject. Simply place a hat on the top of the rack, step back about six feet, turn around once, look at the hat, then quickly look at the bottom of the rack.. (All is lost if, in actual watch, you should happen to catch the girl's eye befor looking down.) Then, slowly, taking about three seconds, raise your eyes until you see that hat again...remembering always not to move the head.

Organ Donation

2010-04-16T21:03:00.000+01:00

A recent non-news story revealed that a handful of people who had registered as organ donors had had the 'wrong' organs removed due to an administrative error.
I am at a loss to imgaine what kind of person would specify which organs they would like to help dying people with and which they would like to throw in the incinerator.
Don't be like this prick; register as an organ donor. You'll be dead; you won't need them anymore.

There are, of course, exceptions:

Sartorial Advice for Urchins

2010-02-17T20:33:00.000Z

Name Change for 2010

2010-01-08T09:29:00.001Z

The Sophisticate's Diary will soon be reborn as The Worker-Dandyist International.
The reasons for this change are as follows:

- We no longer function as a diary of events and even when we did nobody really took any notice.
- The existing name does not adequately convey our ethos to the passing reader.
- We would like to distinguish ourselves from other dandyist organisations that have their allegiances and interests firmly at the other end of the class spectrum.
- We enjoy thinking up preposterous names.

InfoPost No. 1- "Don't Be a Fool"

2009-08-31T14:15:00.000+01:00

Even in these enlightened times I regularly witness people confusing the above devices.
Feel free to distribute this information and "Do Your Bit".
Issued by the Proletkult Ministry of Education.

Grown-Up Make-Up

2009-08-21T11:49:00.001+01:00

A back-to-basics tutorial from Woman magazine, November 17th 1956.

Some thoughts on stockings- care and wear.

2009-05-10T19:28:00.000+01:00

It should be apparent that the Sophisticate's Diary is an advocate of the wearing of stockings. We have already touched upon the anatomy of a stocking, now we shall help you extend the life of your stockings through proper care and selection.

Selection or what to look for in a stocking

The sheerness of a stocking is determined by denier and gauge, although gauge is no longer noted on modern stockings. The denier of a yarn (rayon, nylon or silk) is determined by weighing a 450 metre hank of yarn. One denier means that 450 metres of yarn weighs 0.05 grams. Ten denier weighs 0.5 grams per 450 metres, 20 denier weighs one gram and so on and so forth. The higher the denier the coarser the yarn, therefore a stocking made from a 15 denier yarn will be sheerer than one made from a 50 denier yarn.

However, with vintage stockings you will often see the denier noted alongside the gauge. The gauge, or needle count on seamless stockings, relates to the number of needles on the knitting machine which creates the stocking. As explained in Stockings (1946) by A.W. Eley

'Sheerness of a stocking can be determined by the size (or count) of yarn used in relation to the gauge of the machine. Thus, a 45 Gauge stocking might look more sheer than a 51 Gauge made from the same count of yarn, as on the lower gauge machine the fabric becomes more loosely knitted, resulting in a more sheer effect.'

According to A.W Eley's book stockings should be chosen according to purpose as follows:

10/15 denier – Preferably for evening wear only

20 denier – For evening wear, Dance, Dinner, Theatre

30 Denier – For afternoon wear, Tea-time, Semi-dress wear

40/50 denier – For informal wear, business, home

60/75 denier – General purpose

100/150 denier – Semi-service weight

Thus, 10/15 denier stockings worn for everyday wear will not last as long as the 40/50 denier stocking. However, A.W. Eley notes that women 'are frankly out for additional luxuriousness, and will pay a high price to get it, being satisfied to replace hosiery oftener than should be required.'

It would seem that I am a typical customer from 1946 as it is very unusual for me to wear anything over 20 denier, even in winter.

Care

There is no reason why, given the proper care, a 10 or 15 denier stocking should not last as long as a 30 denier stocking.

I am sure I do not have to state that stockings are best washed by hand, not by machine. Machine washing, even if using a hosiery bag, will decrease the life of the stocking. The higher temperatures will impair the strength of the stocking leading to ladders. From time to time I am tempted by the convenience of machine washing for my RHTs (my FFs are always washed by hand) and experience immediate laddering when putting them on. So, although you may save a little time by machine washing, you do not save expense.

A.W. Eley outlines the following method to hand washing:

Toss mild soap flakes into a little hot water first, and when thoroughly dissolved, add cold water to make a luke-warm solution, then whisk into bubbly suds (hot water, strong soap solutions and soaking, impair the strength of the stocking and cause streaking and fading of colour).
Keep dipping the hose instead of swirling in circles – stubborn soiled or rain spots should be treated by sending the suds through the fabric by a cupped motion of the hand. After three rinsings in luke-warm water (same temperature as the washing water) to remove all soap, the stockings should be wrapped in a towel, and the water gently pressed out (no twisting or wringing) and then be unwrapped at once.
Hang by the toe to dry at room temperature – never put on a radiator, or in strong sunlight.
Do not iron stockings – this raises a gloss.
Dry thoroughly.

After washing, do not wear the following day. Stockings- especially Rayon stockings – are weakest when wet, and their full tensile strength is not regained until they are completely dry, which is 48 hours after washing. Rayon stockings appear to be dry before they are actually dry – in this they are very deceptive. Nylon dries faster than any fibre.
If possible, allow three days to elapse between completion of drying and the wearing of the hose.
During the second day after rayon stockings are washed, if they are given two three-minute exposures to ultra-violet rays from say, an ultra-violet ray lamp, being again subjected on the third day to a further fifteen-second exposure, the fibre regains its former strength, and the quality is equal to that of a brand new pair.
Stockings washed and dried this way will give maximum service, and their beauty of appearance is prolonged, thus proving them an investment instead of- as is so often the case- a speculation!
When crepe-twist stockings are laundered, it will be noticed that they apparently so out of shape, seeming to go in a spiral, and throwing the seam out of line. This is only a temporary phase, however, and the hose will revert to proper seam alignment as they dry. There is, therefore, no need for dismay over the washing process – this type of hose is specially recommended for hard wear, and it lives up to its reputation.
Several pairs of one colour is a good buy, so that there is always a 'reserve' to draw upon in the event of a last minute accident or wear.
Contrary to popular belief, the storing of stockings made from any fibre has no effect of the wearing qualities providing they are kept in a dark and dry place. Natural silk hosiery is very sensitive to light, and to the presence of moisture in the air, and is easily weakened by ultra-violet or visible sunlight.
To put on hosiery. Be seated. Roll down the entire length of the stocking with both hands (be sure stocking does not catch on rough fingers or sharp jewellery), slip foot through the roll and right down into the tow. Do not jerk the stocking over the heel- adjust the heel, and slowly roll the stocking up the leg. Check seam straightness before attaching suspender, and while still seated, with knees flexed, fasten the suspender into the welt, taking into account the length of the stocking, and adjusting accordingly. Never suspender below the welt, this being a specially reinforced suspender top intended for this definite purpose, and the suspender should be adjusted so that is does not stretch the welt out of line and prejudice leg freedom. The putting on of hose this way provides for that little extra 'give' and helps to minimise the strain at the knee on delicate fabric, which strain – when bending or stooping- makes itself evident to the wearer. Rings and bracelets, of course, are an ever-present menace to stockings, and as all stockings will snag when brought into contact with rough surfaces or sharp objects, due care should be exercised in this direction.

With this information you should now be confident to buy any stocking, even those 'evening' sheer stockings, knowing that with good care there is no reason why they should not last as long as the more serviceable, higher denier stocking.

A small note about fabric

When A.W. Eley wrote his book stockings were generally available in silk, cotton, rayon or nylon (give or take a ration stamp or two). Nowadays, the majority of stockings are made from nylon, with most brands on the High Street containing Lycra. I do not believe that the introduction of Lycra has made any improvement to stockings, in my experience stockings with Lycra never last more than one wear, excepting nets. The Sophisticate's Diary would always recommend 100% nylon stockings as they not only wear well but they enhance the leg, giving it a more beautiful appearance.

As to rayon stockings, once only found in charity shops when serendipity was in our favour, they are now available from What Katie Did as part of their CC09 range of stockings.

A Poem

2009-01-03T15:25:00.001Z

On the whole, I am not a great fan of poetry. I would like to blame this on the ineptitude of all poets the world over but, sadly, this is down to the Philistine in me; I like the obvious, the brash and the gaudy. I like rhymes. I like poems that are without the need for any pretense on the part of either the poet or the reader. I should like to read an exchange of slightly threatening love-poetry between Pam Ayres and Billy Childish.

That said, here is a poem I do appreciate:

The Woman Underneath

On reflection, it all came down to nylon -
stockings, bras, pants.
Of course, there were the other things -
swing of buttocks, flap of breasts,

a whole shape of arc and indent.
But somehow, it was the synthetics,
hitched by nylon, an erotic mechanics,
that set us light years apart.

What did we have when we undressed?
Socks. Jockeys. A string vest.
But when they stepped out
of shoes, blouse, and skirt -

voila! The French maid: that circumflex
of taut stocking-band; knickers
sheeny as a courtesan's; the stripper's

unhooking acrobatics; and the Lautrec
girl stooping as puckered hose slithers.
They held us in a man-made scissors.

Robert Maitre (1944- )

Shipwreck Draw

2008-12-10T14:21:00.000Z

The following is taken from Esquire's Book of Gambling (1964 reprint):

As a relief from the deep-think of craps and roulette, may we suggest this maddening little game, simple, easy to play, and guaranteed to drive you mad.
Although you may not be a traveler in the proportions of a Marco Polo, a Robinson Crusoe or a nonstop round-the-world flyer, there have been— and the chances are there will be many more— shipwrecks on a deserted isle in store for you. These can happen in your own home, or someone else's, for that matter. That deadly lull in conversation, that awkward pause that is far from refreshing, when you don't know what to say or play— the equivalent of being stranded— calls for a game like shipwreck draw with which to while away the time.
All the equipment you need is fifteen coins, or bananas, or coconuts, or any other fifteen objects, and the will to win. Arrange the coins, or whatever tokens you are using, as the case may be, in five piles: five tokens in the first, four in the second, three in the third, two in the fourth and one in the fifth.

Now that you have the set-up, here's the objective: the one who takes the last coin away wins, and this is the way you play it. Each player in turn may remove as many coins as he wants from any pile, but he may remove coins from only one pile at a time. Simple? Well then, try this variation: Change the objective to the one who removes the last coin loses.

Still simple? Well, here's a way to make the game more complicated yet. Start with twenty-five coins, or tokens, in one pile. Each player in turn withdraws from that one pile as many coins or tokens as he wants, up to five. Arrange these piles in sequences as they are drawn. After the two players have drawn all the tokens, or coins, from the pile of twenty-five and arranged these in the proper sequences before them, they can start to play, applying exactly the same rules as the first game where you only had five piles and where the objective was to cause your opponent to draw the last token. Obviously, the number of piles depends upon the number drawn by each player in setting up the game. Here's a sample game played with this variation.

In this diagram, A's drawings are indicated by the white tokens and B's by the shaded ones. You will note that from the original pile of twenty-five tokens, each of the protagonists has drawn four times, making eight separate piles in all.
Starting with these and applying, as we have said, the same rules as applied to the previous game, keeping in mind the fact that you want your opponent to draw the last token, the players make the following eight moves in order:

A is the loser, and as a result he retires to some desert isle all by himself. You will see that after the fifth move in the above game, B actually had a winning combination. Here in Diagram Number Three is how the game looks at this stage, before B makes his fifth move. After A takes away all the tokens in Pile 2 or 6, B draws the other of the two piles and leaves only one coin, which would make A the loser. Another alternative is that after A removes Pile 1, B then evens the other two piles and matches A's draws until it is down to two and one and then takes the two.

There are a great many sure-fire combinations which can be concocted, and the more you can scheme up in advance, the greater will be the possibilities that you will be the sole survivor on the desert island. Naturally, if you happen to be stranded on an isle with one or more of the opposite sex, you may not consider this game to be the ideal solution, but for the average social vacuum it's a handy filler.

And there you have them, sirs, the indoor accomplishments. There is enough variation, conundrum and excitement to keep you involved for a good part of your lifetime. It is to be hoped, however, that you venture outdoors every now and then, if only to deposit those winnings at the bank.
No withdrawals, please.

Gentlemen's Underwear

2008-09-07T14:05:00.001+01:00

A chappy perusing these blogs filled with silks, stockings, crepes and cami-knickers may be forgiven for feeling somewhat peeved at the appalling lack of nightwear for the dashing rogue about town.
In this latest offering I aim to go some way to rectifying this unforgiveable situation.

There are many outlets for the aspiring dandy to purchase his sensual underthings; one must simply be pointed in the right direction.

For those merely dipping their toe in the enlivening waters of bohemian bedwear I suggest a trip to T M Lewin. There one can purchase a pair of rather natty boxer shorts with two buttons set a couple of inches apart on the waistband creating a kind of double-breasted effect which, to my mind, is reminiscent of a old-style surgeon's tunic. Very suitable, I'm sure you'll agree, for those contemplating a precision operation in the boudoir (sans anaesthetic we hope). They are priced at a very reasonable £9.50 and are available in a much wider selction of colours, stripes and checks than their website might suggest (but not, sadly, in hospital green).

Once a man tires of the conservatism of the cotton boxer he may wish to advance up the ladder of masculine delicates by slipping into a daring little nightshirt. Derek Rose and Somax are two brands that I would recommend, the Somax being a tad slimmer fitting than the former, so slightly more restrictive of movement if bedroom gymnastics is your peccadillo. Of course, their are myriad stockists of gentlemen's nightshirts but , as ever, The Vintage Shirt Company comes highly recommended due to their excellent range and speedy service. They also stock matching nightcaps for those brave and confident souls who can cope with any mention of Wee Willy Winky by a sniggering paramour.

Now we come to my personal favourite (as those of you who have seen my pictures will know), the union suit. Beloved of lumberjacks, cowboys and bearded homosexuals, the union suit is surely the king of male underthings. It covers as much of the male anatomy as possible, thereby shielding the eyes of anyone unfortunate enough to be ensnared by your charm. It also keeps everything warm and, most importantly, in place. A google or ebay search for union suits will result in a plethora of emporia. Union suits are advantageous to those of us to whom idleness is a way of life, as minimal effort is required to perform otherwise tiring functions. The bottom flap negates the need to strip off in the toilet and the button-fastening front enables the wearer to perform just as many activities as the fully naked man but minus the the need to expose one's less than adequate physique.

Bottled air, anyone?

2008-08-07T20:26:00.003+01:00

Not all of our posts concern Marcel waves and Martinis. The following is a brief excerpt from The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists by Robert Tressell, written in 1906. Every single paragraph, sentence, word and comma of this book should be read and read again until it permeates the very being of everyone of The Class; but if you must only read one snippet make it the one that follows.

We interrupt our hero, Owen, during yet another tea-break debate with his fellow philanthropic house-painters:

“Whether it can be altered or not, whether it's right or wrong, landlordism is one of the causes of poverty,” Owen repeated. “Poverty is not caused by men and women getting married; it's not caused by machinery; it's not caused by 'over-production'; it's not caused by drink or laziness; and it's not caused by 'over-population'. It's caused by Private Monopoly. That is the present system.

They have monopolized everything that is possible to monopolize; they have got the whole Earth, the minerals in the earth and the streams that water the earth. The only reason they have not monopolized the daylight and the air is that it is not possible to do it. If it were possible to construct huge gasometers and to draw together and compress within them the whole of the atmosphere, it would have been done long ago, and we should have been compelled to work for them in order to get money to buy air to breathe. And if that seemingly impossible thing were accomplished tomorrow, you would see thousands of people dying dying for want of air- or of the money to buy it- even as now thousands are dying for want of other necessaries of life. You would see people going about gasping for breath, and telling each other that the likes of them could not expect to have air to breathe unless they had the money to pay for it.

Most of you here, for instance, would think and say so. Even as you think at present that it's right for a few people to own the Earth, the Minerals and the Water, which are all just as necessary as is the air. In exactly the same spirit as you now say: 'It's Their Land', 'It's Their Water', 'It's Their Coal', 'It's Their Iron', so you would say 'It's Their Air', 'These are Their Gasometers, and what right have the likes of us to expect them to allow us to breathe for nothing?'

And even while he is doing this the air monopolist will be preaching sermons on the Brotherhood of Man; he will be dispensing advice on 'Christian Duty' in the Sunday magazines; he will give utterance to numerous more or less moral maxims for the guidance of the young. And meantime, all around, people will be dying for want of some of the air that he will have bottled up in his gasometers. And when you are all dragging out a miserable existence, gasping for breath or dying for want of air, if one of your number suggests smashing a hole in the side in one of the gasometers, you will all fall upon him in the name of law and order, and after doing your best to tear him limb from limb, you'll drag him, covered with blood, in triumph to the nearest police station and deliver him up to 'justice' in the hope of being given a few half pounds of air for your trouble.”

Overcoming your fear of hats

2008-06-08T22:47:00.001+01:00

It is a well known fact (to people that know us) that we at the Sophisticate's Diary like hats. From Fezs to hombergs, from doll hats to cartwheels, we are strongly of the opinion that if you want to get ahead, get a hat.

However, for many women hats are a mystery, a strange melange of straw, felt and ribbon that is rather frightening. A thing to be endured during weddings and snowstorms. Other women seem to have the titfer conquered, they have the inate ability to make anything on their head look amazing. Perhaps this is why on Ladies' Day, although you will see a handful of women who dazzle under their brims, the vast majority will look like they had an unfortunate accident with a cat and a flowerpot.

The hat should not be a mystery. We firmly believe that there is a hat for every woman, no matter how earnestly she believes that hats do not suit. So, with the good guidence of Vee Powell, we shall commence a brief guide to hats which we hope will encourage all to experiment.

Why women wear hats
“[Hats] are worn because they frame the face and introduce contrasting or harmonizing colors to the eyes, hair, or skin; they confine unruly hair and give a well groomed appearance; they complete and add character to many different kinds of clothes; they express personality...”

There are many different styles of hats. Unfortunately, most shops today sell only one kind, the bucket hat. These may be very nice hats but the lack of choice when purusing the shops is one reason why many shy away from hats. If the bucket hat doesn't suit you and the bucket is all that is on offer then it is no wonder that hats will not appeal.

Thankfully, there was more choice when hats were an essential part of the wardrobe and therefore a quick search on ebay or in your local vintage clothes shop will provide many styles and will open a range of possibilities.

Examples of hat styles

Hats are either head size or non-head size.

“Anyone can wear a 'nonheadsize' hat, because it is so shallow that it will fit all average headsizes. If the hat is perched forward on the top of the head, the fitting adjustment is made in the bandeau which anchors the hat to the head. If the hat is worn on the back of the head, it is held by pins, chin veil, or any other arrangement that will make it stay on the head.

If these crown were larger and deeper, they would fit over the large part of the head. In this case they would be headsize hats, and each one would have to be made to fit an individual headsize”
(please see our earlier blog on how to work out your hat size)

An example of a non-headsize hat worn forward on the top of the head.

Non-headsize hats are generally anchored to the head with either an inbuilt bandeau, comb or other fabric covered wire which grip to the head, or by the use of hat pins. Anchors can often be incorporated into your hairstyle, rolls can be used to hide pins, a chignon can cover a bandeau. Rather than thinking of the hat after you have set your hair it is good practise to think of the hat first.

The most attractive way of wearing a hat is asymetrically. Tilting the hat to the left or right of the head is generally more flattering and more interesting to look at. Men hardly ever wear a hat squarely on their head, instead a rakish or jaunty angle is prefered.

And the final word to Vee Powell
“Not Rules – Just Common Sense
1.If you are tall- and don't want to look taller- don't wear high crowns.

2.If you are short, you can add height with your crown; but don't exaggerate too much, or you will look shorter than ever.

3.If you are 'plump', be careful of pin-headed effects. Your hat can help to balance your entire silhouette.

4.In choosing a turban type hat, be sure that the width of the upper part is as wide- or wider- than the broadest part of your face.

5.If you are small features, wear modified styles. Extremes will be overpowering.

6.If you have large prominent features, choose styles that have dash and verve. Delicate materials, trims and lines are not for you.

7.If you love big hats, wear them when their lines are not spoiled by collars or furs. Remember too, that they are good-weather hats; they don't take kindly to wind, rain or snow.

8.Wear hats that are appropriate to the occasion and the season.

9.Wear hats that blend harmoniously with the rest of your clothes. Wear hats, because the right kind will immediately improve your appearance.

10.WEAR HATS.”

Quotes and illustrations are from Vee Powell, How to Make and Trim Your Own Hats (1944)

Final quote from Vee Powell, How to Make Hats and Accessories (1946)

Both books are essential reading if you wish to make your own hats. The guidelines and explanations are straightforward and easy to follow.

Breakfast of Bacchus

2008-06-07T10:47:00.000+01:00

The following meal is from the 1949 publication- Esquire's Handbook for Hosts. It doesn't specify whether this is a breakfast dish but we feel that such a decadent dish would probably benefit the awakening mass of broken bodies previously embroiled in some kind of unspeakable, uninhibited and unbridled bout of shocking libertinism the night before. The eggs would restore lost energy and the four bodily humours whilst the alcohol would, hopefully, banish all feelings of shame, guilt and nausea.

Eggs Poached in Burgundy

Put one ounce of butter in an earthenware casserole; sauté one white onion, finely chopped, and add one pint of Burgundy; salt, pepper, one whole clove, a bayleaf, and a slice of fennel; let it simmer for about ten to twelve minutes. Break one egg per person on the edge of the casserole and slip it gently into the simmering wine. Poach for about two or three minutes- according to taste in cooking. Separate them gently, remove with a skimmer, and put each egg on a piece of toast, ready to receive it on a hot platter. Strain the cooked wine and put it back in the casserole and bring to a boil; thicken it with small balls of butter and flour and pour over the eggs on toast.

Caring for your Straight Razor

2008-04-02T15:59:00.005+01:00

As spotless examples of debonnaire refinement you will, of course, already own a straight razor, or 'cut-throat' razor as they are sometimes referred to by people who don't own one. Aside from adding a dash of daring chic to your bathroom furnishings, and allowing one to experience the slow but satisfying process of proper shaving, a straight razor will also enable, if not positively encourage, one to slice pleasing morsels of flesh from the hideous visages of offensive and anti-social elements one may encounter during day-to-day life. Being immaculately dressed, we will rarely attract the unwanted attentions of the Forces of Darkness with their ever-increasing powers of stop and search, and are therefore free to carry the weapons of gentlefolk unmolested (see also Defence Against Rain and Foe).
The following advice will instruct you on the proper care and maintenance of your straight razor.

Honing and Stropping are a knack as well as a science. There are therefore different theories about each of these processes.. The beginner should be guided by established techniques. The student should use a dummy razor to practice honing and stropping. He may use his good hone, but he should use either an old strop or a canvas.

Honing

Honing is the process of sharpening a razor on a hone.

Seventeen Pointers on Honing

Draw the blade diagonally across the hone, from the heel to the point, and towards the cutting edge.
The honing strokes should be of equal length to assure regularity in the new teeth formation.
Keep the blade flat on the hone in all strokes.
Apply equal pressure in all strokes.
The approximate pressure on the hone should be about one-half the weight of the blade.
The time required for sharpening depends upon the condition of the edge, the newness of the razor, the kind of hone, the rate and length of the strokes. The required number of strokes run from five to ten unless it is a case of reconditioning the razor. A new razor requires fewer strokes than an old one. Discretion will have to be employed when using a fast or slow cutting hone. One will learn by a kind of “mysterious draw” when the razor is taking an edge; he will sense a suction effect. This effect acts as a signal to slow down and stop.
The strokes should be about three-quarters the length of the hone.
Begin the strokes at the farther end of the hone, making sure to have the heel at the hone.
Stop on each stroke with about one-half the blade left on the hone to allow for accurate turning of the razor in preparation for the next stroke. At the end of a stroke, turn the razor over and at the same time slide it up to a position which corresponds to the original position on the other end of the hone.
Turn the razor over at the end of each stroke with the fingers only. Without moving the wrist. Using the fingers only makes for quickness and gracefulness.
For holding and turning the razor while honing note these minor points:
1. Hold the razor firmly, but not tightly.
2. Set the handle almost in line with the blade.
3. For the take off, lay the razor flat near the end of the hone, place the ball of finger one on the shank just behind the shoulder, the ball of thumb directly in front of the pivot, the ball of the second finger directly behind the pivot, and bend the other two fingers around the handle to hold it steady and to aid in turning.
4. Turn the razor at the end of the first stroke, simply roll the razor over to the right, keep the back in contact with hone by use of all the fingers including the thumb. By turning the razor in this way, it will be discovered that the razor is rolling over in the fingers instead of the fingers rolling over it. In position for the next stroke, the first finger will overlap the front of shank somewhat, the thumb will be almost at the back of the pivot, the first joint of the second finger will brace the front pivot section and the other two fingers will have closed in just a little more.
5. On returning to the original end of the hone, if more honing is to be done, turn the razor back to the “take-off”position.
6. Always end the stroke at the same end of the hone that the first stroke began.
7. Strokes should never be too fast and jerky. Make them long, smooth, even, rhythmical and graceful.
A razor should not be honed unless it is dull. A properly honed razor is good for several shaves. It should not be necessary to hone after each shave. The edge is preserved by the manner in which it is used.
The most common error in honing is to over-hone.
Removal of over honed effects:
1. Hone with the back of the blade leading instead of the cutting edge. In other words, hone with a stropping stroke.
2. Pull the cutting edge over a bar of soap.
3. Drag the cutting edge over a very soft piece of pine.
Testing the edge of a freshly honed razor:
A freshly honed razor is best tested by drawing it over a moistened thumbnail. The real test however is in the actual shaving. One can develop the knack of knowing when the honed edge is right. He knows the disposition of his razor and knows about how many honing strokes to make. It is a misconception that the ability of a razor to split a single hair proves that it has a perfect cutting edge. Of course a dull razor will not split a hair but a razor that has a rough, over-honed edge if manipulated correctly will split a hair, yet its edge would be too rough and wire like for a smooth shave and it would produce a burning effect on the face. The hair-splitting ability of a razor indicates one or two conditions- one, that it has a rough, wire-like sharp edge, and the other is that it has a proper cutting edge.
Sensations indicative of the razor's edge:
1. A slight dragging but somewhat smooth sensation indicates a keen, perfect edge. (Ready fro stropping).
2. An exceedingly smooth sliding sensation indicates dullness and bluntness. (Needs more honing).
3. A decided digging in, grating sensation indicates a rough, coarse over-honed edge.
4. An unevenness of sensation indicates faulty honing or a defect in the razor through dropping, over-use, etc.
5. A harsh, biting sensation in one particular place indicates the presence of a nick or gap. (Needs more honing, perhaps a general honing).
Use a lather or water on hone: The use of water or lather on a hone hastens sharpening. The use of lather is recommended to remove nicks or to recondition a very dull razor.

Stropping

Definition of stropping: Stropping is the process of smoothing the edge of a razor on a strop; stropping gives the razor a whetted edge.

Sixteen pointers on stropping a razor:

When to strop a razor. The best answer is to strop it whenever it needs it. Theoretically, it is stropped (1) before the first stroke, (2) about half way through a shave, (3) before shaving the second time over, and (4) before arching over the ears and shaving sides of neck.
The razor is stropped with the back of the blade leading. The direction of the blade in stropping is the opposite of that in honing.
The angle of the stroke is about the same as that for honing.
Make stropping strokes long, from six to ten inches.
Make the razor entirely flat on the strop. It is advisable to lift up just a little at the shoulder of the razor so as to make doubly sure that the point comes in full contact with the strop. The general tendency is to ride the base line near the heel and thereby slight the point.
Apply the blade firmly against the strop, with a pressure about twice equal to the weight of the razor. Too much pressure, especially if it is a full hollow ground type of razor, bends the blade so that the point does not receive full benefit from stropping.
Hold the strop rigid so that there is practically no give, to avoid cutting the strop and prevent too much pressure on the point.
Strop noiselessly. Do not pound the strop with the razor.
Never lift the razor off the strop during the process of stropping- contact is not broken.
Strop less after honing than at any other time, because the freshly honed edge is more sensitive and responds quickly to anything that comes into contact with it, and because the very edge is easily disturbed.
A freshly honed razor is stropped on a leather strop only. A canvas strop is too coarse for the razor in this sensitive condition.
After using the razor, strop on the canvas first if a canvas and leather combination strop is used.
The standard number of stropping strokes run from ten to twenty.
Do not make the strokes too fast or too slow. The tempo should be between these two extremes.
The strokes should be rhythmical, long, angular, of little pressure and graceful.
Hot water on razor. In cold weather it seems to add to the cutting ability of a razor to run hot water over the blade just before using it. It is a known fact that warm steel cuts more easily than cold steel. And then a cold razor is uncomfortable to the skin.

Sources: The Art and Science of Barbering by L. Sherman Trusty, M.A.,
The Standardized Textbook of Barbering published by Associated Master Barbers of America.

The Launch of Our Signature Cocktail: The Sophisticator

2008-03-18T18:36:00.000Z

We feel no need for any fanfaronade on the launch of ’The Sophisticator’; our very own signature cocktail, so we will merely give you the recipe and let you sample the outstanding quality for yourself. Litererally minutes of research were carried out in the invention of this libation. If it already exists under another name please don’t spoil our fun by telling us.

The Sophisticator

1 1/2 oz Dry London Gin
1 1/2 oz Italian Vermouth
3 drops peach bitters

Pour gin and vermouth into an ice-filled old-fashioned, add bitters and stir.

How to Make Sculpture Curls

2008-02-07T17:29:00.001Z

Here's another tutorial on sculpture curls, this time with photographs, from Ivan of Hollywood:

Especially now that permanent waves can be given by the use of curls, it is even more important that we know how to make perfect sculpture curls. After hairstyling contests and demonstrations, students and beauticians have express their desire to learn the author's method of making sculpture curls. In response to those requests, photographs of each step in making sculpture curls are given.

Part off a block of hair about one inch square. The blocks will vary in size depending on the degree of tightness or looseness desired. Then comb the hair in the same direction that the detail will take when the curls are dried and combed out.
	Comb the strands of hair with a twisting motion of the comb in order to find the permanent, or natural wave tendency.
This shows how the hair will look when the permanent or natural wave tendency has been found.
	Following the permanent or natural wave tendency, form the outside loop. The fold the second loop inside of the outside loop. Continue to fold all succeeding loops inside of the last loop made. The ends of the strands are placed in the center of the sculpture curl. It will be noted that the sculpyure curl is started at the base rather than starting at the end and working towards the base. Attention is called to the fact that the strands of hair are not wound around the finger in pin curl fashion.
Bobby or hairpins are inserted to hold the sculpture curl in place until dry. Bobby pins are recommended because they are faster (use only one) and do not allow the curl to slip out of position during drying time. To avoid ridges on the curl do not slide the bobby pin over the curl. Do hold the bobby pin open until it completely covers the curl.

Chain Gang

2008-01-29T19:26:00.001Z

Everybody, male and female, should be able to string a few stitches together. It's not difficult and it's a handy skill to have.

If you are a juvenile delinquent of the Blackboard Jungle variety you will need your chosen nom de guerre or club name stitched on to your jacket in order to let other ruffians know who to aim their taunts at. If you are a disillusioned diner employee waiting on the assorted night owls and losers in your caffeine-enriched demi-monde you'll need your moniker stitched onto your buttock-skimming waitress dress so as to ease the receipt of breakfast orders and lewd propositions. If you are a King or Queen of the well-oiled lanes of ten-pin glory you will most certainly require your title stitched on to your bowling shirt in preparation for the hall of fame portrait when you finally bowl that elusive 300.

So how to go about it. Well, as you're far too old/ proud/ hateful to ask your mum, you'll have to do it yourself.

Thus, I present this handy guide to chain stitching. Just write your name on your chosen garment with chalk or pencil, choose your stitch, and away you go. No, really. It's that simple. Even I can manage it. You'll need embroidery thread , a needle and 10 minutes. You may want to tack a piece of interfacing to the rear of the fabric if it's especially flimsy.

Chain Stitch

Bring the thread out at top of line and hold down with left thumb. Insert the needle where it last emerged and bring the point out a short distance away. Pull the thread through, keep working the thread under the needle point.

Daisy Stitch (also known as Detached Chain Stitch)

Work in the same way as Chain Stich (A), but fasten each loop at the foot with a small stitch (B). This stitch may be worked singly or in groups to form flower petals.

Twisted Chain Stitch

Commence as for ordinary Chain Stitch, but instead of inserting the needle into the place from where it emerged, insert it close to the last loop and take a small slanting stitch coming out on the line of the design. Pull the thread through. The loop sof the stitch should be worked closely together to have the correct effect.

Open Chain Stitch

This stitch is shown worked in two parallel lines, but it may be used for shapes which vary in width. Bring the thread through at (A) and, holding the thread down with the left thumb, insert the needle at (B). Bring the needle through at (C), the required depth of the stitch. Leave the loop thus formed slightly loose. Insert the needle at (D) and, with the thread under the needle point bring it through in readiness for the next stitch. Secure the very last loop with a small stitch at each side.

Zig-Zag Chain Stitch

Bring the thread through at (A) and hold it down with the left thumb. Insert the needle at (A) and bring it through at (B), the required length of the stitch. The second stitch is worked in exactly the same way at right angles to the first stitch, but the needle, as it enters the fabric (C), pierces the end of the first loop, thus ensuring that each loop is held in position.

Heavy Chain Stitch

Bring the thread through at (A) and take a small vertical stitch. Bring the thread through again at (B) and pass the needle under the vertical stitch, without piercing the fabric, and insert it again at (B). Bring the needle through at (C) and again pass the needle under the vertical stitch and insert it at (C). The third and all following stitches are made in exactly the same way, except that the needle always passes under the two preceding loops.

Chequered Chain Stitch

This stitch is worked in the same way as Chain Stitch, but having two contrasting threads in the needle at the same time. When making the loops, pass one colour under the needle point and let the other colour lie on top. Pull through both threads. Work the next loop with the other colour under the needle point.

Cable Chain Stitch

Bring the thread through at (A) and hold it down with the left thumb. Pass the needle from right to left under the working thread, then twist the needle back over the working thread to the right and, still keeping the thread under the thumb, take a stitch of the required length. Pull thread through.

Zig-Zag Cable Chain Stitch

This stitch is a variation of ordinary Cable Chain Stitch, each stitch being taken at a right angle to the previous stitch. Pull the twisted thread firmly round the needle before drawing the needle through the fabric.

Remodelling the Model

2008-01-22T17:33:00.000Z

The following exercises are taken from the November, 1952 issue of Pageant magazine in which John Robert Powers teaches his "secrets of charm".

Pick Your Feet Up

2007-11-25T00:54:00.001Z

We have noticed, in recent times, that as well as dressing like mentally disadvantaged joggers-turned-mugger, quite a few people have forgotten how to perambulate properly.

For the men the advice is fairly simple: you move your opposing arm and leg forward, and then you do the same with the other arm and leg. Repeat until destination is reached. You do not need to do any of the following:

Fondle your penis and/or testicles as you are walking. You will not resemble a gangster. You will look like an escaped lunatic with paedophilic inclinations.

Walk with a contrived limp.You will not resemble a gangster. If you really need sympathy this desperately we suggest you either ring the Samaritans or consider suicide.

Walk with extravagantly bow-legs and a ludicrous swagger. The only reason John Wayne walked like this is because he was a closet homosexual with a fondness for being fisted by men with abnormally large hands. It is not because he was tough.

Drag your feet. Your shoes (or more likely, trainers) will wear out very quickly, and all those around you will feel a tide of violent feeling sweep over them as they endure the pish, pish, pish sound of your stultifyingly lazy gait.

For the ladies we have have scanned the following brief artcle from the February 1958 issue of Carnival.

Slinky Smalls From Sophistikitten

2007-11-21T22:38:00.001Z

Sophistikitten

Social Crises

2007-11-19T18:54:00.000Z

The following advice is taken from Lady Behave by Anne Edwards and Drusilla Beyfus.

There are certain social crises you cannot get around although sometimes ground can be recovered by an adroit manoeuvre. Recounted below are some of the best ways we know for sliding not too shamefully out of an impossible situation.

What do you do if you have to introduce someone whose name you know to someone whose name escapes you? You cannot do as the etiquette experts recommend without giving cruel offence, i.e. To say with a light laugh, “Do tell me your name, I'm afraid I've forgotten it.”
Picture the actual situation as you chat to some acquaintance when up comes the Old Friend. “Why, hello,” you say, groping desperately in your mind for his name- “Is it Waffle?” you ask yourself or “Griffle?”
The moment arrives when you can no longer put off introducing him to the people you are talking to. So what do you do? Introduce the old friend with a confident flourish to the people whose names you do know, by-passing the fact that you don't mention his. “By the way,” you say, “do you know the Barrington Browns?” The introduction accomplished, move swiftly on to another subject.

What do you do if you have previously made it clear to an acquaintance that you loathe dogs, dogs always smell and leap all over you and bark, and he turns out to be an enthusiastic dog-owner? There you are, having clearly expressed where you stand on the matter of dogs without having reconnoitered the ground first, when the door opens and out bound three dogs, smelling barking and leaping all over you. One way round: Say nothing, try to establish friendly relations with the dogs, and much later remark thoughtfully that you really must change your mind about dogs, as these three are so exceptionally attractive.
The same technique has been applied successfully to opinions blunderingly stated in advance about fat husbands, taste in interior decoration and new dresses.

What do you do when you are brought up to meet someone who has sung a song, made a speech, given a recital, or acted in amateur theatricals- and you think it was one of the worst exhibitions you have ever sen or heard? There you are beside the maestro, who is clearly waiting for some comment from you on his performance. One way round: A bold denial of the facts- “I must congratulate you, etc...absolutely magnificent...a privilege to watch”, etc. Or you can take the conscience-salving ways round perfected by Noel Coward and Orson Welles. The first bustles up, seizes the artist by the hand and says ambiguously: “What a performance, what a performance!” The second murmurs faintly: “I have no words...”

What do you do if you smash some treasured object in a friend's house? There you are gesticulating to emphasize a point, and in a trice you have knocked off the head of her Dresden figure. There is no way round, except to look as guilty as you feel. It is not for you to pass the incident off with a light laugh. That is up to the owner. If you cannot afford to replace what you have broken or have it mended- send a token of your apologies- flowers are better than silence.

What do you do if you are served with a painstakingly prepared dish that you cannot abide? There you are at a dinner party when you hostess brings on a dish she has slaved over but reeks of one flavour you cannot stomach. One way round: Ask for very little saying that it looks delicious and you love it but it is one of the unfairnesses of life that it doesn't love you.

What do you do if you are at a dinner party and someone spills some drink on your dress? There you are, a dream in pale blue, when your dining partner knocks a glass of red wine on to your lap. One way round: Take whatever emergency measures are needed to cope with the situation without making such a to-do about it that the spilt drink becomes the centre of conversation. By far the most charming response to this infuriating experience came from the girl in a scarlet dress who lied to the red-faced spiller that she was going to have it dyed black anyhow.

There are two social crises for which we can only quote actual get-outs- not to be recommended for general use.

A guest at a dinner party had unthinkingly taken a mouthful of soup that was boiling hot. There he was with the guest of honour on his left and in mid-conversation with his host. Suddenly his mouth felt on fire. Politeness verging on lunacy is the orthodox recommendation of the etiquette books in this situation, i.e. To swallow the liquid fire and soothe your scorched throat with a glass of water. The hero's way round adopted by this dinner guest was to spit it out and turn to his astonished neighbour saying: “some damn fools would have swallowed that.”

Or again- there was the man who had just made an outrageous personal remark about someone else in the room who turned out to be the wife of the man he was talking to. “That woman over there,” he remarked, “has the most curious spots all over her face.”
“She's my wife,” said the man he was talking to. But our hero never batted an eyelid. “How interesting, “is she the same all over?”

Facial Irregularities? Do Not Fear!

2007-10-11T13:09:00.002+01:00

All of the following images were taken from Creative Hairshaping and Hairstyling You Can Do by Ivan of Hollywood. I have edited the images and left out the text as it should all be self-explanatory:

Receding chin:Receding forehead:
Crooked nose:
High forehead:
Long neck:
Long nose:
Low forehead:
Large or deformed ears:

The Correct Fit for Gents (1954)

2007-10-03T20:25:00.001+01:00

The following advice on how to ensure your clothes fit correctly is taken from Esquire Etiquette first published in 1954. We have left all Americanisms intact.
Suits
Collar of suit jacket- should fit low and close around the neck, exposing about half an inch of your shirt collar in the back. No matter how wildy you move your arms, it should not gape or fall away from you neck. And it should stick with you when you sit down, too. (A correct fit in the collar will automatically solve some of the other problems of an ill-fitting jacket-lapels that don't lie flat, for instance).
Sleeve of suit jacket- should expose about half an inch of your shirt cuff when you arms hang loose, more when your arm is bent. In no position of your arm should the sleeve fall over your hands, concealing all linen. Nor should it ride up so high that the top edge of your shirt cuff is visible.
Bottom of suit jacket- should be parallel to the floor all the way round when the jacket is buttoned. (And remember that you button only the top outside of a double-breasted jacket, only the middle button of a single-breasted jacket). This is a special hazard for the man who stands erect before the fitting-room mirror, then collapses into a slouch when he steps out into the world. See that the fitter sees you in your natural posture.
Jacket length- should give adequate coverage of the seat when you lean forward as well as when you stand upright. A jacket any longer than necessary to fulfill that function is considered theatrical or zooty - these days, at least- but regardless of the whims of fashion it is well to remember this design principle: the greater the distance between the bottom of your jackets and the floor, the longer-legged, and hence taller, you look.
Jacket waistline- is not fitted, in a single-breasted jacket, but hangs straight from the natural shoulder. In a double-breasted jacket, or in any jacket which has unnatually broad sholders, the waistline may be slightly tapered- but never snugly, never noticeably, and never in any extra darts or seams; the fitting must be done in the regular side and back seams of the coat. Even if your companions cling to the V-look, and you are therefore impelled to lable the newer, narrow look as 'eccentric' or 'New Yorky', take care that your buttoned jacket is not so waist-fitted as to force its lapels to bulge when you lift your shoulders.
Matching vest or contrasting waistcoat, if you choose to wear either, should be fitted so it does not gape where it meets your shirt. Have a daytime waistcoat fitted the way you'll wear it- with its lowest button open.
Length of trouser- should provide a slight break above your instep when you are in an easy standing position. If you're of college age, you may wear your trousers a little shorter, so they hang free instead of resting gently on your shoes. But if your socks show, your trousers are too short. And if the pants leg is festooned over your shoe- man, you made the pants too long!
Width of trouser leg - is slightly subject to fashion change. The trouser width should appear to be about two thirds the length of the foot. Odd slacks for sports wear may be fuller, trousers for dressy suits may be narrower, but that is a happy medium.
Pleats in trousers- are optional. Let your contours be your guide! If you choose pleated instead of straight-cut trousers, you have a choice between reverse pleats, which throw the fullness to the side pockets, and inward pleast, which give you greater fullness in the hips. The inward pleasts are one inch deep at the waistband and the fold becomes the crease in the trousert. The outer pleats are one-half inch wide at top and taper for six inches to no pleats at all. Whichever pleats you prefer, see that they provide the right fullness for comfort and for ease of putting your hands in the pockets. A good test for comfort is to sit in a chair.
Shirts
Line of collar- should slope forward, conforming to the line of your collarbone, and should fit close to your neck. Your collar is too tight if wrinkles appear across the collar in front and if you feel constricted. It is too loose if it gapes widely at any point, particularly in front. The answer is correct size, learned by measuring the neck with a tape measure held at moderate looseness along the line of the collar. In ready-made shirts, it is wise to select the next half-size: that is, if the measurement is 15 1/4" inches, select size 15 1/2". Never try to squeese your neck into size 15. Custom shirts, in fabrics controlled for shrinkage, may be made to the exact measurement.
Height of collar- depends on the length of your neck, of course, but if your collar reaches your natural hair-line in back it is theatrically high. On a man of average build, the lower part of the shirt collar resta on his collar bone in front.
Length of sleeve- should reach the wristbone, only. And it should be held there- so it neither slides into your palm nor sneaks up into your coat sleeve- by button or cufflinks. A proper check is to have measurement made from the center back, just beneath the collar, to the wristbone. This figure, which ranges from about 32 inches to 37 inches, is your sleeve length and should be specified exactly.
Outercoats
Collar- should be fitted the same as the suit collar, high enough to cover the collar of the suit but low enough to show a narrow strip of the shirt collar where weight and thickness of the outercoat allow.
Sleeve length- should be adequate to cover the sleeves of the jacket and shirt. A guide is the point of the break of the wrist when you hand is turned inward.
Coat length- should never be longer than just below the knee, but may be shorter in unfitted, unbelted style. Even in a poplin raincoat, however, anything shorter than two inches above the knee has an undergraduate look.
Waistline- is slightly fitted in most urban styles, should not flare even in the most casual of country coats. Fitting stnadards follow those for the suit jacket, above, but in this case the fitting should be done with all buttons buttoned.

Suave Sounds From the Shed

2007-09-19T14:48:00.001+01:00

As proletarian sophisticates we strive to straddle the line between refined culture and working class accessibility. Why buy a tailor-made suit when a well constructed second-hand suit is waiting for you in a musty shop corner somewhere. Why buy original 'art' when a Tretchikoff or Elvgren print will light up your living room just as well? Why get a mortgage when renting will allow you to pursue a hedonistic lifestyle free from the shackles of debt?

It is with these sentiments in mind that we write this blog concerning one facet of the musical pursuits of the well-mannered masses. Inspired by the Hot Club of Belleville we have come to the conclusion that there can surely be no better instrument for the working man or woman of taste to learn than the musical saw. Like the hammer, sickle and monkeywrench, the saw represents the struggle of the working class to build a better future. What better instrument to learn than one which is readily available in the tool-shed of many industrious chaps, is intuitive rather than rigidly structured (much like the trombone) and can produce the dolorous tones of the dispossessed?

So what does one require? Well, a saw for starters; the longer the better. Most online resources suggest anything from 26" to 34" long. This seems to be proving a tad dificult at present as most saws I have seen are around 24" long, but I shall persevere in my quest. Saws manufactured especially for playing are available at a premium but that would seem to defeat the whole ethos of this post wouldn't it. Next, we will require a cello, bass or violin bow or a DIY bow can be constructed from dowel and nylon fishing line at a push. To enable the bow to create a sound on the saw one requires a cake of rosin. The rosin must be scored or sanded and the bow rubbed across it. This increases the slip-stick friction (rather like running your finger around the edge of a glass) and produces vibrations in the saw and thus, sound.

No sound will be produced if the saw is held incorrectly. To play a saw you should preferably be seated and have the saw handle clamped between the knees, teeth facing inwards (the saw's not yours). Next the saw must be bent (to the left if you are right-handed) so that an arc is produced. Your left hand should now be gripping the small end of the saw. We now need to bend the end of the saw in the opposite direction to the first bend thus creating an 'S' shape. This is achieved by gripping the end between fingers and thumb and pushing down with the thumb. This is where the purpose-made musical saw comes in handy as it is thinner and puts less strain on the thumb.

Now all we need to do is find the 'sweet spot'- the area of the saw that pruduces the note. To do this make the aformentioned 'S' shape and strike various parts of the flat of the blade between the two bends with a blunt object. Once you have found a note with the most sustain you have found the sweet spot. This spot will move depending on how the saw is being bent in order to produce different notes.

Now, you simply need to bow the edge of the blade and hey presto, you're a musician! The bow must be withdrawn from the blade as soon as the note is found as the saw will sustain on it's own for a time, depending on the musical qualities of the saw.

We hope this post has been of interest to you. Please follow the included links and let us know if any of you manage to play a tune!

Grenadine

2007-09-19T14:47:00.000+01:00

As you will be aware, grenadine is a vital constituent of many bygone cocktails. It adds a rich red colour, and a sweet flavour. The trouble is this- modern grenadine is no longer grenadine. That is to say- it no longer contains pomegranate juice. Most grenadine on the shelves contain only sugar or corn syrup, water, red colouring and e numbers, thus it only adds colour and a certain sweetness to mixed libations, but not the correct flavour. Admittedly the syrupy, ice-cream soda taste of Lejay Lagout Sirop de Grenadine does appeal to the nostalgic side of the palate but I'm sure that's not what the great mixologists of the 1930s had in mind.
After a fruitless, albeit very brief, scan of the hinterweb Miss Nicola visited the Mecca of booze: Gerry's in Old Compton Street, Soho.Lo and behold she was rewarded with a bottle of Monin Grenadine. Huzzah! We have no idea how this compares to pomegranate syrups of old but it does contain 10 percent pomegranite juice and posesses a much sharper and fruitier flavour than its cheap imitators.
One can always produce one's own grenadine from sugar syrup (bought or home-made) and pure pomegranate juice (which in itself is a bugger to locate but can be found in Lybian food shops). Many different methods of home production are listed online.
If one is just after sugar syrup we recommend cane sugar syrup as it is unfeasibly tasty.
Pip pip!

How to Stock a Cocktail Cabinet- Part 2

2007-07-28T13:19:00.001+01:00

If you have been diligant in your investigations of our previous gin-based libations, you should have spent many a senseless night lolling about on the Axminster wondering what else one could possibly need in the way of mind-sharpening beverages. Well, intrepid mixologist, the answer is here. Or, at least, some of the answer.

Adding to the simple basics of Gin, Italian Vermouth and French Vermouth in Part 1 we now need to expand our stock to include:

Bourbon or Rye Whiskey *

Angostura Bitters

Orange Bitters **

Cherry or Apricot Brandy but preferably both.

These, along with the usual kitchen basics, combine to make some truly exquisite cocktails. The wonderful concoctions listed below are taken from The Savoy Cocktail Book and Esquire's Handbook for Hosts (1949 edition).

Firstly we shall commence with the tip-top Bourbon cocktail, the Manhatttan (please see our other blog for the Grandfather of Bourbon drinks, the Mint Julep).

The Manhattan is an absolute delight of a cocktail and, whatever the proportions of alcohol may be, should always be served with a cherry. Although generally served in a cocktail glass Manhattans can be served on the rocks in an Old Fashioned glass. Here at the Sophisticate's Diary we prefer our Manhattans with Orange Bitters but Angostura Bitters can be used if Orange is not available.

Manhattan
2/3 Bourbon or Rye
1/3 Italian
Dash of Orange bitters
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass with cherry.

Manhattan (Sweet)
1/2 Italian
1/2 Bourbon or Rye
Dash of Orange bitters
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass with cherry.

Manhattan (Dry)
1/4 French
1/4 Italian
1/2 Bourbon or Rye
Dash of Orange bitters
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass with cherry.

Next we move on to cocktails using a combination of the 5 or 6 liquors plus bitters you will now have in your cabinet.

Algonquin
1/2 Rye or Bourbon
1/4 French
1/4 pineapple juice
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass.

Apricot Cocktail
1/4 lemon juice
1/4 orange juice
1/2 Apricot Brandy
1 dash of Gin
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass.

Astoria Cocktail
1 dash Orange Bitters
2/3 Gin
1/3 French Vermouth
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass. Serve with stuffed olive.

Brown University
1/2 Bourbon
1/2 French
2 dashes of Orange Bitters
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass.

Darb
1/3 French Vermouth
1/3 Gin
1/3 Apricot Brandy
4 dashes of lemon juice
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass.

Gilroy
1/6 lemon juice
1/6 French
1/3 Cherry Brandy
1/3 Gin
1 dash Orange Bitters
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass.

Gin Cocktail
4 dashes Orange Bitters
1 glass of Gin
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass.

Lutkins
2 dashes orange juice
2 dashes Apricot Brandy
1/2 French
1/2 Gin
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass.

Paradise
1 dash lemon juice
1/4 orange juice
1/2 Gin
1/4 Apricot Brandy
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass.

Texsun Cocktail
1/2 Rye or Bourbon
1/4 French
1/4 grapefruit juice
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass. Serve with a cherry.

Whiskey Daisy 3
1 part Rye or Bourbon
juice of half a lemon
Shake well with ice, strain into a highball glass, fill with sparkling water. Ice can be left in.

* For the most part Bourbon can be substitued for Rye, depending on the preference of the drinker. However, Bourbon can not be substituted for Scotch as Bourbon is sweeter and more syrupy than Scotch. Please note, Jack Daniels is not a bourbon but a Tenessee Whiskey which is filtered differently to bourbons. Readily available bourbons we would recommend are Makers Mark and Wild Turkey.

** Orange Bitters can be hard to find. The brand we use is Fee Brothers, who also make Peach and Mint Bitters.

Ladies' Hairstyling- Basic Curls

2007-06-04T19:00:00.001+01:00

If these hair blogs seem to be in a somewhat random order, it's because they
are. We offer our apologies if any confusion arises. We attribute this lack
of foresight to the selfless research and experimentation into 1930s cocktails
that we have been undertaking of late.

Without further ado, here is the Basic Curls blog, courtesy of Creative Hairshaping
and Hairstyling by Ivan of Hollywood.

There are two basic curls- the pin curl and the sculpture curl. Both pin curls and sculpture curls are composed of two sections:

BASE: The beginning of the curl. The base indicates the direction the curl takes.

LOOPS: The number of loops to make a curl depends on the size of the curl, the thickness of the hair, and the length of the hair.

Pin curl

This basic curl is by far the most commonly used and is the easiest to do. It is made by winding strands of hair around the finger. Each loop is outside of the last loop and the ends of the hair are on the outside of the curl.

Sculpture Curl

The sculpture curl is the finest curl known and is used by all master hairstylists. It follows the natural tendancy of the hair, stays in longer, and the finished effect is more beautiful and professional looking than any other type of curl.

The chief characteristics of the sculpture curl are: each loop is inside of the last loop, and the ends of the hair are on the inside of the curl. Step-by-step instructions showing how the sculpture curl is made will be given [in a furture blog].

The author prefers and encourages the use of the sculpture curl, but if you choose to use the pin curl, or any other type of curl, you are assured that the setting instructions in this volume will apply equally well to all kinds of curls.

Symbol for a Curl

For the sake of clarity and simplicity of instruction, the symbol shown here will be used throughout to denote a curl. The base immediately indicates the direction the curl takes. Whenever you see the symbols for curls you will notice that they are numbered. It is important that you make the curls in the order numbered as this prevents the completed curls from getting in the way while you work.

On the following pages curl symbols will be used in the setting instructions to show where the curls are placed and the direction the curls take to achieve a certain result.

How curls are made from blocks of hair

The First Step

Part a block of hair about an inch square. (Blocks may be made either larger or smaller if desired). The dotted lines denote the blocks.

The Second Step

Now mold the hair in the block into a curl and secure it with hairpins or bobby pin until dry.

It wil be noted that the curls are not placed in the centre of the blocks. The hair purposely overlaps the blocks in order that all the hair will be curling in the same direction, thus preventing any buckling in the finished detail.

How curls are made when they follow the ridge of a wave

Whenever you see symbols for curls you will assume that the curls are made from nearly square blocks except when the curls follow the ridge of a wave.

If the curls follow the ridge of a wave, the blocks will be one-forth of an inch from the ridge as shown by the dotted lone. Study this illustration carefully so you will know how the curls are placed in relation to the blocks.

Curls "1" ro "4" inclusive are made from blocks one fourth of an inch from the ridge and one inch deep.

Curls "5" through "8" are made from blocks that are almost square.

Overlapping Curls

In many cases where curls follow the ridge of a wave, the curls will overlap because the hair is long or thick. This drawing shows how the overlapping curls ("1" through "6") are made from blocks one-forth of an inch from the ridge. Notice that these blocks are a little less than one inch deep.

When making overlapping curls it is imperative that you make the curls in the order numberd so the completed curls will not be in the way while you work.

How to Stock a Cocktail Cabinet- Part 1

2007-05-22T19:27:00.002+01:00

Open any cocktail book and you will be faced with hundreds of recipes full of exotic and wonderful liqueurs. You might discard it in despair, thinking that to have any chance at building a decent cocktail you will need to source the most obscure alcoholic elixirs created by contemplative monks in far off alps. However, you would be entirely wrong.
Here at The Worker-Dandyist International we revel in the cocktail hour and although our cabinet is fit to burst we know that the staples of any workable home bar are three ingredients. These are:
Gin
Italian Vermouth*
French Vermouth*
With these ingredients one can make myriad cocktails, with the only additions being kitchen basics such as citrus fruits, soda water and plenty of ice.
Most of the following recipes come from The Savoy Cocktail Book, which we thoroughly recommend you purchase.
We begin with the most famous of cocktails, the martini, before we venture to other equally delicious cocktails. Contrary to modern tastes the martinis of the 20s and 30s had more than a single drop of vermouth. If you, dear reader, are searching for myths and legends concerning the dryness of your martini (such as the sunbeams, refracted through a bottle of Noilly Prat being sufficient vermouth for a dry martini) then look elswhere. We like to taste our vermouth.

Martini - Dry (Miss Nicola's personal preference)

1/3 French Vermouth
2/3 Gin
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass.

Martini - Medium (also Bloodhound)

1/4 French Vermouth
1/4 Italian Vermouth
1/2 Gin
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass.

Martini - Sweet

1/3 Italian Vermouth
2/3 Gin
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass.

Addington

1/2 French Vermouth
1/2 Italian Vermouth
Shake well and strain into a medium glass and fill with soda. Squeeze orange peel on top.

Bronx

Juice of 1/4 orange
1/4 French Vermouth
1/4 Italian Vermouth
1/2 Gin
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass.

Chorus Lady

Juice of 1/4 orange
1/3 Gin
1/3 French Vermouth
1/3 Italian Vermouth
Shake well and strain into a medium glass, add slice of orange and a cherry.

Crystal Bronx

Juice of 1/4 orange
1/2 Italian Vermouth
1/2 French Vermouth
1 lump of ice
Place all ingredients in to a medium glass and fill with soda.

Gimblet

1/4 lime juice
3/4 Gin
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass. Top with soda.

Gimlet

1/2 Rose's Lime Cordial
1/2 Gin
Stir and serve in the same glass, with ice is desired.
Gin and It (Lost Soul's personal preference)
1/2 Italian Vermouth
1/2 Gin
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass.

Orange Blossom

1/2 Orange Juice
1/2 Gin
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass.

Polo, number 1

Juice of 1/4 lemon or juice of 1/2 lime
1/3 Italian Vermouth
1/3 French Vermouth
1/3 Gin
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass.

Polo, number 2

1/6 Grapefruit Juice
1/6 Orange Juice
2/3 Gin
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass.

Rosington

1/3 Italian Vermouth
2/3 Gin
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass, squeeze orange peel on top.

Wyoming Swing

Juice of 1/4 orange
1/2 tsp of powdered sugar (icing sugar)
1/2 Italian Vermouth
1/2 French Vermouth
Shake well and strain into a meduim glass and fill with soda.

Yellow Rattler

1/4 Orange Juice
1/4 French Vermouth
1/4 Italian Vermouth
1/4 Gin
Shake well and strain into a cocktail glass with a small crushed pickled onion.

*The terms Italian and French refer to whether the vermouth is red and sweet or white and dry, rather than solely the country of origin. For our Italian (red and sweet) we tend to buy Martini Rosso, for our French (white and dry), Noilly Prat, but it is down to personal preference.

Visiting Cards (For Chaps)

2007-05-16T12:48:00.003+01:00

For the social butterfly, visiting cards are an absolute necessity. These are not the same as business cards and the two must not be confused lest public humiliation or barely concealed sniggering should result.
The following advice is taken from Esquire Etiquette published in 1954. We have taken the liberty of condensing the information as we felt that seven pages, even in 1954, might be a tad excessive:

The cards should be white or off-white, cardboard or parchment, glazed or unglazed, but without raised border. Some highly glazed boards don't take ink very well: try writing on one before you buy. Their shape should be narrow, rather squarish like a woman's card. The size can range from 1 7/16" to 1 3/4 " deep by 2 7/8" to 3 1/2" long, so choose the size that best accmmodates your name.
The cards should be engraved in black and carry no other colour elsewhere. The lettering can be Roman or script, shaded or not, but watch out for too big or too fancy lettering.
All this fuss will seem a little foolish, considering that you will be crossing out your name on most of the cards you use, but study the effect to see that your card looks masculine, unaffected and conservative. Order envelopes to match and, for those cards which will go through the mail, extra, larger envelopes to mail the small ones in.

On the card should be engraved:
1. Your title: This is "Mr." (abbreviated) unless you are a doctor, an officer on active duty, a minister or a high public official, in which case the appropriate title (preferably spelled out) precedes your name. If you are a doctor of the Ph.D variety, use "Mr." on your card.
2. Your name: Spell it out, using no initials, if this is not unwieldy or unnatural. Strictly speaking, Mr. C. J. Smith" is permissible only on a business card. There's no place for nicknames on visiting cards. Even tough Bills must be sweet Williams on copper-plate.
3. Your address: This is not necessary but it's helpful if you travel a lot. Your address is your home if you live with your parents or your wife, your club if you live here-and-there. A club address is engraved in the lower left-hand corner of the card; a home address in the lower right. Never use both. Telephone numbers do not usually appear on visiting cards.

How to use the cards
As invitations: For an informal party, you can simply write the occasion, the date and the time across the top of your cards and mail them out. If you want an answer, put RSVP in the lower left corner. Or, if your party is to be at an address different from that engraved on your card, write the party address in the available corner and put "RSVP to" above your mail address. Usually you strike out the Mr. before your name, and if you are going to sign the message "Charlie", you cross out the whole name.
As replies to invitations: Instead of a note or a phone call, you may send your visiting card in answer to any informal invitation. Write "Thanks- I'll be there" or "Accept with pleasure" or whatever you like across the top of your card, along with the date and time for which you are accepting. If you cannot accept the invitation, the rules say you must give a reason, however, and the sparse space may persuade you to break out some note paper instead. Or perhaps you'll welcome the cramped space- it allows you to say simply, "Sorry- will be in Mexico the 18th," without a long explanation. Again, it's best to cross out your name and write an informal signature when addressing first-name friends, and it's best to cross out the "Mr." in any case.
As vehicles for short messages: To notify your friends of a change of address you may simply mail out some of your new cards showing the new address. To say goodbye when you leave town, you may write "P.P.C" in the lower left corner and mail the cards to your acquaintances. "P.P.C" stands for "pour prendre conge," which means "to take leave."
Write across the top whatever message is appropriate- "I'm off; see you in the Spring," or "Don't forget: you're going to look me up on your trip South," or "Just heard the news: congratulations!" or "With deepest sympathy," or "Thanks for making my stay so pleasant or whatever. Strike out your name and sign it "Charlie," or strike out the "Mr." and let your engraved name stand. And if you really mean "thanks" or "sorry" or "best wishes," send the card with flowers instead of a three penny stamp.
Which brings us to the main and never-ending use of visiting cards:
As cards: Enclose your card with all presents and flowers. Except at Christmas time, when colourful tags are more appropriate, your card is always more handsome (and more impressive) than standard greeting cards. Cross out your name or only the "Mr."; write in a brief message. Your card will save you many an hour of wondering what in Hell to write on the big white blank the florist gives you. Somehow, a simple "Love, Charlie" written on a blank card looks impoverished, but on an engraved visiting card it takes on quite a different character.

Ladies' cards coming soon....

Ladies' Hairstyling- Basic Half-Waves

2007-05-13T16:53:00.000+01:00

A half-wave is just what it appears to be be- it is one half of a full wave, and has one ridge. A half-wave may take either a horizontal, vertical or diagonal direction.

Horizontal Half-Wave

Here we see the most popular placement of a horizontal half-wave. It molds the nape hair to the back of the head and provides a "foundation" for the curls on the neck.

Vertical Up Half-Wave

The up half-wave takes a straight up-and-down direction so it is said to be a vertical up half-wave.
When a vertical up half-wave is followed by curls, it is one of the most flattering and popular details found in modern hairstyling.
If the half-wave in this sketch took a down direction it would be called a vertical down half-wave.

Diagonal Half-Wave

A half-wave that takes a direction between a horizontal and vertical is called a diagonal half-wave.
This drawing shows how a diagonal half-wave looks when place on the back of the head.

When a diagonal half-wave is placed over the ears, it looks like this illustration. The author considers the diagonal half-wave over the ears one of the most flattering and becoming details that has ever been designed for the younger set.
Study this illustration carefully. It looks simple, but it is one of the most difficult hair details to execute. [See instructions at the end of this blog]

Stand-Up Half-Wave

The trick of setting the stand-up half-wave is this: the top hair near the hairline is combed against the natural wave tendency so that it almost stands on end. Then the half-wave is pushed into place and held into position by three or four bobby pins while it dries. The bobby pins are inserted one-fourth inch below the ridge.

The stand-up half-wave is becoming to most women, and may be followed by curls, reverse roll or pompadour.

Instructions for Setting a Diagonal Half-Wave Over the Ears

These are the three tricks used in setting beautiful, diagonal half-waves over the ears:

(a) The hair at the temples is combed back away from the face.
(b) Crown and nape hair is "borrowed" and combed forward to help make the diagonal half-wave over the ear. Be sure the half-wave slants up.
(c) Curls numbered 1 through 5 take a backward direction. The others shown in this illustration turn forward. Setting these curls in opposite directions produces additional fullness over the ears if the hair is combed out.

All words and pictures by Ivan of Hollywood.

Designing Moustaches

2007-05-13T16:52:00.002+01:00

Once more we delve into the mystical world of The Art and Science of Barbering (third edition) by L. Sherman Trusty, M.A.
This time we are looking at moustaches, or 'mustaches' as our Yankee cousins spell the word.
As with beards, a chap cannot just let his facial shrubbery grow unchecked. It must be painstakingly pruned to perfection, combed, waxed and dyed.
The following words and pictures should help you, dear sophisticate, in your quest for a tip-top top lip adornment.

Pointers on Designing Mustaches

It is not enough to know the scientific procedure of trimming and shaping mustaches. The barber should be familiar with the applicable artistic principles, such as the following:

Turned down corners give a droopy effect.
Turned up corners give the effect of cheerfulness.
Straight lines are almost neutral as to sadness or cheerfulness of impression, but they convey honesty, reliability, conservative judgement and neatness.
A very small "eyebrow" mustache has a laughable proportion to an exceptionally large face; likewise, a large mustache is unproportional to a small face. Therfore the size of such an adornment must have some correspondence to the size of the face.
A mustache should never project over the edge of the upper lip. Such over-lapping conveys unneatness, uncleanness and weakness of character.
The length of mustache should not greatly exceed that of the upper lip.
A mustache should not be allowed to grow free as to outline, else it will look unkempt and unbalanced.
Generally, a mustache that covers the full bearded portion of the upper lip is too large to look artistic but there are exceptions to the rule.
The lower edge of the mustache should not always follow the edge of the lip- the edge may be made above the edge of the lip at both ends or all the way across, depending on the design chosen.
Radically turned up corners are clownish.
Twisted turned up or down corners are strictly sheikish and are worn mainly by the Beau Brummel type of men.
The corners should be slightly rounding on a squarelike face.
The corners should be somewhat squarish on a round face.
A mustache on a bald-headed man should be as large as his face will admit. Its size draws attention away from the baldness above, but a dainty little mustache in suchn a case would seem ridiculous because it would accentuate the baldness. This suggestion is especially applicable to a person with alopecia universalis.
A mustache should contain the elements of balance, symmetry, and character.
A person with a conspicuously large or scarred upper lip may advisedly wear a mustache.

Defence Against Rain and Foe

2007-05-13T16:51:00.002+01:00

It has been said that a gentleman's umbrella should never be unfurled: if it rains then a brolly serves as an ideal device to hail a cab with.
This may be taking things a bit too far. We think that a chap's unfurled brolly serves as an ideal spot for rain-soaked young damsels to seek sanctuary in. When twinned with a flask of Woodford Reserve or even better, a portable bar stocked with warming libations, this refuge from the rain can be quite a cosy little place to chuckle at those less forward thinking than yourselves.
Protection from the elements is the easy part. It takes little tuition to be able to put an umbrella up. Once unfurling has been mastered we have to consider our stride. It is harder than it looks to correctly stroll with an umbrella firmly tapping at the pavement in perfect, purposeful rhythm. Depending on your speed of saunter, you may choose to tap once every two steps or once every four steps. For one-in-two you would have to be walking fairly slowly whilst one-in-four would be employed for a brisker perambulation. The latter takes more practice as one's brolly arm has to move in time with one's free arm but the brolley must swing at half that time via a smooth pivot of the wrist. As with many pleasures in life; it's all in the wrist-action. Once the rhythm has been finely tuned a chap can embellish his umbrella swinging with all sorts of signature flourishes and flair. But be warned; as we shall see, an umbrella is a dangerous weapon that must be used with caution. If you skewer a chap's eye on the rear swing and puncture a ladies rear on the fore swing you will not be the most popular of gents. You will look stupid and will most likely be challenged to a duel.
I shall not go into the details of the art of umbrella fighting, I shall merely point you in the right direction should you wish to learn more about this noble art. Using umbrellas, canes and walking sticks for defence was a popular pastime in the late 19th and early twentieth centuries. If you are very lucky you may be able to get hold of the original books but if not then www.lulu.com has re-prints for sale.
From 1912 we have Andrew Chase Cunningham's The Cane as a Weapon.

Mr. Cunningham's twenty-three lessons include grip and guard positions; the different types of attack and defence techniques; targets, feints, counter-parries and footwork; dealing with multiple attackers and "special cases" such as defending against an attack by a dog, or using a hat as an additional weapon of self defense.
This expanded edition includes over one hundred and seventy new, captioned photographs in addition to the twelve pictures featured in the 1912 original, to help modern readers put Mr. Cunningham's lessons into practice. The 2006 edition also includes a new introduction and bibliography section.

A Hat! How very sophisticated to use a brolly and a hat to ward of ruffians. We also have, from the same site, The Bartitsu Compendium by E.W. Barton-Wright which, aswell as cane and brolly fighting, includes 'Self-Protection on a Bicycle'.

The Bartitsu Compendium is a complete guide to the history, theory and practice of Bartitsu, an eclectic martial art founded by E.W. Barton-Wright in the year 1899. Bartitsu was a combination of four of the most effective self defence methods known at the time - jiujitsu, boxing, savate and stick fighting. The Compendium features over two hundred and seventy pages of original essays, rare vintage reprints and never-before-seen translations, illustrated with hundreds of fascinating photographs and sketches.

You will be pleased to know that I have ordered both of these books and shall pass on any relevant nuggets of information I find. I already feel more secure in the knowledge that I have a lethal weapon at my side, in full view of the general public, with no fear of arrest.

Finally, for those of you who find yourself in a state of financial ruination due to vindictive ex-wives or appalling judgment on the 3.30 at Chepstow, we have a free, gratis, and for nothing book entitled The Walking Stick Method of Self-Defence by H.G Lang:

In the early 1920's, Superintendent of Police in India H.G. Lang introduced the Walking Stick Method of Self Defense based upon the instruction of Swiss la canne Professor Pierre Vigny. He published this historic manual documenting his cane fighting system.

This manual, faithfully transcribed by Kirk Lawson from the original (copyright held on text formatting and images), Lang included 116 pages of text in his orginal manual including 66 pages of specific instruction and 60 images illustrating his techniques.

This entire book is available as a free download from the previous link. I am unsure of the technology but by some process of wizardry or perhaps even Devilry, a book can be somehow transmogrified, sent down the telegraph lines, and then appear in an illuminated form on one's own computer screen. It's true I tell you. I have the electronic book right in front of me as I speak. I strongly recommend you do the same.

An additional resource which is both fascinating and very handy is The Journal of Manly Arts ; an electronic journal with articles on various forms of gentlemanly fighting.

I hope this blog has been of some use to you and if it prevents only one of you being the victim of some short-legged urchin then it will have been worth my effort.

Don't forget ladies, all of the above information can be used by the fairer sex to equal or greater effect.

Anatomy of a Stocking

2007-05-13T16:50:00.003+01:00

Although I am sure that most friends of the WDI will know the difference between welt and seam I was surprised to realise that there are some people who do not. So here is the anatomy of the stocking for when your Manhattan becomes confused with your French.
Let's examine the Champagne of stockings, the fully fashioned nylon (see below). Fully fashioned stockings are made flat from one piece, shaped to the leg and sewn with a seam up the back. This creates two unique features; the aforementioned seam which runs from the tip of the toe to the top of the stocking; and the keyhole. Without these features, no matter how well packaged by a certain well known lingerie company, the stocking is merely a plain stocking with an additional sewn seam.

The fully fashioned stocking is made from 100% non-stretch nylon (and very occasionally silk), which means one-size does not fit all. The size you wear depends on height, weight and shoe size. In the hey day of stocking production almost all stocking manufacturers produced their stockings in a variety of lengths to accommodate a a shorter or a longer leg.
At the top of the stocking is the welt, a good few inches of darker, doubled over nylon, with a lighter 'shadow welt' below. Often vintage stockings will have a signature welt, with the brand name printed or incorporated into the stocking or a pattern of some sort in the shadow welt.
The foot of the stocking will be reinforced from toe to heel with the heel taking on different shapes.
The most common heel is the French, Point or Pyramid heel.. This heel narrows to a point and is the most widely available heel today.
The more traditional is the Cuban heel, a sturdy narrow block heel. This is the heel that one sees on most vintage stockings and adverts.
An alternative to the Cuban is the Havana heel, a fatter version of the Cuban heel and one that I prefer.
The more unusual heels include the Manhattan or Outline heel which generally is a Havana heel with the shape outlined. This heel is available today, although not sold by all hosiery stockists.

If you are extremely lucky you may find vintage 'fancy heels'. These are generally heels with zigzag, pearl, diamond or any variation of outline, often carrying on to some extent on the seam.
The heel, underfoot, seam and welt of a stocking can abe of varying contrasting colours to the main leg. I own several pairs of vintage contrast seam stockings and pairs of 'blackfoot' stockings, where the heel and underfoot is black in contrast to the nude of the leg.

And as to where you can find the fully fashioned stocking today, may I point you to the following suppliers:
What Katie Did
Stockings HQ
Christel
Secrets in Lace
Stockingirl

~Miss Nicola

Anatomy of a Julep

2007-05-13T16:49:00.003+01:00

I originally intended to write a brief glossary of mixed drinks for the beginner such as rickeys, flips, daisies, cups, etc., until I realised I could fill a small encyclopaedia with such information. So instead I shall start small. I am certainly no expert and as I write I hope that some of this information may stick in my booze-addled brain as I seem to be hopeless at memorising even the simplest of mixed drinks hence the reason for my profuse imbibition of Gin and It.
Anyway, as the title of this electronically conveyed message suggests, let us examine The Julep (or Mint Jelep as it's more often called). I shall refer to two respected books in the field of alcoholic stimulation: The Savoy Cocktail Book (1930) and The Esquire Handbook for Hosts (1949) although I'm sure there have been many pages devoted to the subject elsewhere.
Esquire starts off by laying down some general rules when constructing a Julep:

Use a prechilled, dry 12 or 14 oz. glass, tall and slim, if the traditional beaker is not available.
Crush the ice by puffing it in a bag or towel, then hammering it with mallet or banging it against a sturdy sink. Then be sure it is absolutely dry, draining off the water before putting it in the glass.
Use only the freshest mint and, of that, the smallest, most tender leaves.
Don't handle the glass with bare hands. Use a cloth, or serve with a doily, if you would preserve the frost.
The glass will not frost if in the wind, if wet, with undried ice or if excessively handled. You can sometimes speed the frost by twirling the glass or by placing in coldest part of refrigerator for about 30 minutes.

We'll start with perhaps the most unusual recipe for a Mint Julep (from The Savoy book) as it contains no bourbon:

The Julep is a delightful potion that originally came out of the Southern States of America, and many great men have sung its praises through the years. It was the famous Capt. Marryat, skipper and novelist, who introduced the beverage into the British Isles, and below we quote his recipe in his own words:- "I must descant a little upon the mint julep, as it is, with the thermometer at 100 degrees, one of the most delightful and insinuating potations that ever was invented, and may be drunk with equal satisfaction when the thermometer is as low as 70 degrees. There are many varieties, such as those composed of Claret, Madeira, etc., but the ingredients of the real mint julep are as follows. I learned how to make them, and succeeded pretty well. Put into a tumbler about a dozen springs [sic] of the tender shoots of mint, upon them put a spoonful of white sugar and equal proportions of peach brandy and common brandy, so as to fill it up one third, or perhaps a little less. Then take rasped or pounded ice, and fill up the tumbler. Epicures rub the lips of the tumbler with a piece of fresh pineapple, and the tumbler itself is very often incrusted outside with stalactites of ice. As the ice melts, you drink."

And so we venture back to The Esquire book for a more traditional recipe and variations thereof:

Julep
(from Louisville's famous club, The Pendennis)(This one's anti-crush, anti-sugar)
Use a 14 oz or 16 oz silver julep cup. Dissolve a half lump of granulated sugar in clear spring water. Add two or three sprigs of tender mint, place gently (don't bruise the mint). Fill the cup with cracked ice and add 2 full jiggers of Kentucky bourbon whisky. Stir gently and refill the julep cup with cracked ice. Take a full bunch of tender mint, cutting the ends to bleed, and place on top. Let it stand for about 5 minutes before serving. There should be a small linen doily with each julep, as the frost on the cups makes it uncomfortable to hold.

Julep
(This is a middle-of-the-roader;slightly crushed, a little sugar)
Place five or six leaves of mint in the bottom of a prechilled, dry tweleve-ounce glass or silver beaker; add one teaspoon sugar; crush slightly with a muddler. Pack glass with finely crushed ice (dry, beaten in a bag is the best method); pour one and one-half jiggers of whisky over the ice, add more ice and stir again before serving. Stick a few sprigs of mint into the ice so that the partaker will get the aroma. Serve on a plate or hold in napkin; the touch of a hand would kill frost.

Mint Julep
In the manner of Irvin S. Cobb
Take a clean glass and crush a few sprigs of mint with a spoon. Rub the mint all around the inside of the glass then throw it away. Now fill the glass with finely cracked ice. Slowly pour in a measure of bourbon, then add about 2 tablespoons of water in which a lump of sugar has been dissolved. Do not stir. Place sprigs of fresh mint in the mouth of the glass.

And once more to the savoy:

Pineapple Julep (6 people)
Take a large glass jug and fill it 1/4 full of crushed ice. Pour in the juice of two oranges, a glass of Raspberry Vinegar, a glass of Maraschino, a glass and a half of gin, and a bottle of Sparkling Moselle or Saumur. Pull a pineapple to pieces with a silver fork and place the pieces in the jug. Stir the mixture, add a little fruit for appearance's sake, and serve.

Smashes
The 'Smash' is in effect a Julep on a small plan. To prepare it the following recipe is used:- Use medium sized glass. Dissolve 1 lump of sugar. Add 4 leaves of green mint, and crush mint and sugar very lightly together. Place lump of ice in glass. Then add one small glass of either Bacardi Rum, Brandy, Gin, Irish Whisky [sic] or Scotch Whisky as fancy dictates. Decorate with a slice of orange, and squeeze lemon peel on top.

Ladies' Hairstyling- Basic Rolls- Part 2

2007-05-13T16:47:00.000+01:00

Side Reverse Roll (setting instructions)

First, section off the side hair.

Then, working with blocks about an inch square, comb the strands of hair in a back and up direction and mold the curls in the order numbered.

Side Reverse Roll (combed out)

After Drying, all the curls are combed out together in a back and up direction. The ends of the hair are then rolled under.

Rats may be used to advantage if the hair is thin and a larger roll is desired

Side Half-Wave Reverse Roll (setting instructions)

Make a down half-wave followed by two rolls of curls as illustrated. Be sure to make the curls in the order numbered.
Notice that the first row of curls overlap in this drawing but in some cases where the hair is short but not thick, the curls will not over lap.

There are two tricks in making beautiful side half-wave reverse rolls and they are: first, comb the side hair in an upward direction before making the down half-wave. This will give the hairstyle a "lift" when it is combed out. Secondly, set the down half-wave so that it has a curve insted of being straight. Rounded half-waves are more becoming than straight half-waves.

Side Half-Wave Reverse Roll (combed out)

After Drying, the half-wave and all the curls are combed out together in a back and up direction. The ends are turned under.

This type of reverse roll can be made by two different methods. The first and easiest way is to make one complete wave followed by two rolls of up curls. The second and more advanced method is more difficult to do, so the advanced setting instructions will be given.

Side Full Wave Reverse Roll (advanced setting instructions)

Make an up half-wave, followed by one row of down overlapping curls. Then the second ridge of the wave is made followed by two rows of up curls.

Side Full Wave Reverse Roll (combed out)

After drying, the wave and curls are thoroughly brushed and combed out together. The ends are then turned under.

If the advanced setting instructions were followed, you will discover that much brushing and combing will cause the first row of curls to blend in with the second ridge, making it appear deep and natural looking.

Ladies' Hairstyling- Basic Rolls- Part 1

2007-05-13T16:46:00.000+01:00

More tips from Creative Hairshaping and Hairstyling You Can Do by Ivan of Hollywood:

Rolls are made from curls, or from a combination of curls and waves or half-waves.
These are the basic rolls used on the top and sides of the head.

Top Reverse Roll (setting instructions)

Make a rectangular part. The larger the rectangular parts, the larger the roll will be.
Next, subdivide the rectangular part into blocks about an inch square, and you are ready to mold the curls.

Comb the hair in each block straight back and mold the curls in the order numbered.

Top Reverse Roll (combed out)

After drying, all the curls in the section are combed together in a back direction over the palm of the hand, and the ends are turned under.

This type of roll is quite severe and is not becoming to very many women.

Top Half-Wave Reverse Roll (setting instructions)

Make the half wave, and mold the curls starting with curl number 1.As in all cases where curls follow the ridge of the half wave, the first row of curls is made from blocks one-fourth of an inch back of the ridge as explained in the Curl Chapter.

When the hair is thick or long, the first row of curls following the ridge will overlap as they do in this illustration.

Two rows of curls are usually sufficient to make a top half-wave reverse roll, but three rows of curls may be used if an extra large roll is desired.

Top Half-Wave Reverse Roll (combed out)

After drying, the half-wave and all the curls in the rectangular part are combed out together in a back direction over the palm of the hand, and the ends are turned under.

Because the top half-wave reverse roll is flattering and easy to execute, it is suggested that you use it quite often in your styling.

This type of reverse roll is beautiful if properly executed. The important thing to remember is to make the wave curve and vary in width as shown in the sketches below.
There are two ways to do a top full wave reverse roll. The first and easiest method is to make one complete wave followed by two rolls of curls. The second method produces a softer looking roll and is more difficult, so the advanced setting instructions will be given.

Top Full Wave Reverse Roll (advanced setting instructions)

First a half-wave is made followed by one row of overlapping curls.

Then the second ridge of the wave is made followed by one or two rows of curls. Two rows of curls make a larger roll.

Be sure to make the curls in the order numbered.

Top Full Wave Reverse Roll (combed out)

After drying, the wave and the curls are thoroughly brushed and combed out together. The ends are then turned under.

In the event the advanced setting instructions were followed, you will discover that much brushing and combing will cause the first row of curls to blend in with the second ridge, making it appear deep and natural looking.

Side rolls next time.

The Cult of Pogonotrophy

2007-05-13T16:45:00.005+01:00

Pogonotrophy, or beard growing, is not the first thing that springs to mind when one thinks of the dapper dandy. Occasionally though, the sophisticate may find himself (or herself. We are nothing if not egalitarian in the WDI) having to forego a clean-shaven chin in favour of some manner of facial shrubbery.
The reasons may be entirely cosmetic, such as to cover unsightly warts or scars, or there may be more practical concerns. A cunning disguise in order to avoid a scissor-wielding ex-wife, mistress or possibly the local constabulary.

Whatever the reasons, this guide is here to help you and your barber decide which style best suits. The following illustrations are taken from The Art and Science of Barbering by L. Sherman Trusty, M.A.

I find myself leaning toward the Luciferian panache of the Napoleon III Imperial and the Bohemian bookishness of the Balbo. The Old Dutch, the French Fork and the Ducktail are obviously the work of diseased minds and would mark the wearer of such abominations as a preposterous sociopath with criminally deviant inclinations.

Ladies' Hairstyling- Basic Bangs- Part 2

2007-05-13T16:43:00.000+01:00

Full Wave Bangs (setting instructions)

Make a rectangular part.

The top hair should be five and one-half inches long in front, and seven and one half-inches long in back.

Set the curls as illustrated in this sketch.

The front two rows of curls are turned backward, and curls in the third row are turned forward.

Full Wave Bangs (combed out)

It is essential with this type of bangs that the curls be thoroughly brushed and combed. The more you brush, the deeper and more natural the wave becomes. Comb the hair over the palm of one hand and push the wave into the bang so it takes a graceful curve. Turn the ends under.

French Bangs (setting instructions)

The secret of successful French Bangs is to comb the top hair almost straight back off the forehead, and then swirl the hair forward to make the half-wave as illustrated.A row of overlapping curls is then made, following the half-wave. That part of the hair which is made into curls should be shaped quite short so it will fluff and flare into place, as shown in the sketch below.

French Bangs (combed out)

The top hair is combed out in the same direction as it was set- back, and then swirled forward.

To make the curls fluff, lift the comb away from the head as you comb the ends of the hair.

Fringe Bangs (setting instructions)

Fringe bangs are the easiest of all to do. A one-half inch wide section of front top hair is cut two inches in length, and set in overlapping forward curls.

Fringe Bangs (combed out)

All you need do is run a comb through the hair and allow the short hair to fall as it will. The more careless fringe bangs are, the better.

This sketch shows Half-Fringe Bangs. If the bangs extended all the way across the forehead, similar to the way Bette Davis wore her hair a few years ago, the detail would be called Complete Fringe Bangs.

Please let us know what you think. If there is interest then we'll carry on (rolls next). If not, we wont!

Ladies' Hairstyling- Basic Bangs- Part 1

2007-05-04T12:48:00.003+01:00

Why scour ebay searching for a certain modern book on 1940s hairstyles (which is a total plagiarism anyway) and end up paying scandalous amounts of hard-earned cash when you can get the original books for very reasonable prices on Abe.com? There is no need! Here at the house of sophistication we have plenty of indispensible manuals from the '30s to to the '50s and we are generous enough to share some of the tips offered in those books to you here and now.
To start with let's have a look at bangs (or fringes as we call them in Blighty). The following images and instructions are all taken from Creative Hairshaping and Hairstyling You Can Do by Ivan of Hollywood. We hope they are of use to you.

	Fluff Bangs (setting instructions) Make a rectangular part. The top hair used for the bangs is cut from three to four inches in length and is set in forward curls as illustrated (do the curls in the order and the direction that they are given in illustrations). Do not attempt fluff bangs if the top hair is over four inches long because it will fall into curls instead of fluffing.
	Fluff Bangs (combed out) Simply run the comb through the curls and allow the hair to fall into a casual fluff.

Forward Roll Bangs (setting instructions)

The top hair used in this type of bangs should be five inches long in front, and seven inches long in back. Make a rectangular part, and set the hair in forward curls the same as you did when setting the hair for fluff bangs.

Forward Roll Bangs (combed out)
Comb and brush all the curls out together. Then comb the hair forward and over the palm of one hand. Turn the ends under.
Particular care should be taken to avoid a straight across line as this would make the top of the head appear flat and uninteresting. As in all bangs, a curved line is more becoming than a straight across line.
To achieve the high and irregular outline as in this sketch, comb the hair over a rat or tease the hair.

Half-wave Bangs (setting instructions)
Make a rectangular part.
The top hair used in the bangs is four inches long in front and six inches long in back. (This is the top hair length of all Basic Haircuts except the Baby Haircut).
Set the curls as illustrated.
Special attention is called to the fact that the curls in the first row are turned backward, while the other two rows of curls are turned forward.

Half-wave Bangs (combed out)
All the curls are vigorously combed and brushed out together. Then comb the hair over the palm of one hand and push the half-wave into the hair. Since the ends of the hair are short, they will fall casually.
If the bangs are flat because the hair does not have enough body, use a rat, or tease the hair.
As in all bangs, be sure to arrange the hair in subtle, soft curves.

Gentlemen's Hat Sizes

2007-05-04T12:48:00.001+01:00

Please click on this helpful little chart to check your hat size. Why not just copy it to your desktop as a handy reminder?

Cocktail Help- The Glasses

2007-05-04T12:45:00.001+01:00

3 Ways to Tie a Tie

2007-05-04T12:13:00.004+01:00

As this is the Worker-Dandyist International, and therefore the home of the bounder, I have shamelessly stolen this splendid little guide from somebody else. My natural sense of good sportsmanship requires that I give credit where it's due though. A Thomas Fink (a suitable name I'm sure you'll agree) was thoughtful enough to craft these instructions for those of us unskilled in the art of tying knots around one's neck. Have a peek at his website as he appears to be a bit of a gent himself, although he seems to have achieved his cleverness and sophistication via the gift of wealth and a university education which is, on this rabidly proletarian page, unimpressive. He does however, have some good links to sites not unrelated to our cocktail-slurping selves. I haven't included the ubiquitous four-in-hand because unless you have no hands, you can tie it already. All that follows is plundered from the aforementioned site:

Windsor- When the trend-setting Prince of Wales, later the Duke of Windsor, took a liking to large tie knots in the 1930s it did not go unnoticed. Within years men everywhere wore ties `fastened with the popular Windsor knot, larger than the usual four-in-hand, to fill the space of the wide spread collar', wrote Esquire in 1940. Discarding the ubiquitous four-in-hand (2) in favour of the larger knot was, at the time, a conspicuous gesture. But it was an elegant one, and the knot has never really fallen out of fashion since.

Half-Windsor - Unlike its name suggests, the half-Windsor is not half the size of the Windsor but rather three-quarters. This casts suspicion on the other half of its etymology: there is no evidence that the half-Windsor derived from the Windsor, though the authors have yet to learn of the half-Windsor's use before the Windsor's.

Pratt - Apart from the long-established four-in-hand, half-Windsor and Windsor, the Pratt (sometimes known as the Shelby) is the only knot which has received widespread attention. It was revealed in The New York Times and The Daily Telegraph in 1989. Jerry Pratt, its American inventor, used the knot for thirty years before Don Shelby publicised it on local television. Before the Pratt became prominent, it was occasionally worn in America from as early as World War II, usually under the name of reverse half-Windsor. This name is misleading (not to mention long-winded); the Pratt is no more the reverse of the half-Windsor than the half-Windsor is half of the Windsor.